Oh look, another journal!
Ok, so, before I get into the IF related stuff, I just want to say "OMG! I'm experiencing a heat wave!!" Haha... it's summer temperatures outside today, which is amazing! All last week we barely had spring temps, and now it's jumped to over 20 degrees Celsius. Probably not going to last, but I am loving having my windows open wide and NOT wearing a sweater! I'm also loving the bird sounds! I have a birdfeeder in my teensy tiny backyard, and it's attracted a bunch of finches and other birdies. Lots of trees in behind my place, so I get to watch them flit back and forth as I sit at my computer or eat at the table.
Also, went to my Dad's appointment with his cancer doc today. All signs say we've bought more than just a couple of months worth of time with the chemo. It nearly killed him at first, but he's bounced back and current CT and Xray results are showing no enlarged lymph nodes. She's 'cutting him loose' a bit and instead of monthly visits to see her, he's not got monthly bloodwork to monitor his counts and appointments every 3 months with her.
Now, on to the IF related stuff. DH and I had a discussion the other night while I was wallowing in the bath. See, I haven't had a visit from AF since the beginning of February. And that was 158 days from the start of the previous cycle. I'm worried that something's gone even more wrong, but with the confirmation of the cysts, I know it's probably because of them that my cycle has gone wonkier than it usually is.
I was saying maybe I should go on BCPs to regulate my cycle for a little while, but he's concerned that it'll just mask the problem and won't help at all. So we talked a while longer, and eventually we agreed that I need to basically shit or get off the pot where the referral to an outside-of-the-city RE.
I hummed and I hawed a bit longer, and still wasn't sure if I wanted to get the referral now when I walked into my GP's office for a prescription renewal of the Metformin. After discussing how things were going with the Metformin, and getting the new prescription, I suddenly blurted out that I was ready for the referral. It came out of nowhere, so I'm sure my unconscious mind made the decision for me.
So, now my GP is sending a referral to the Ottawa Fertility Clinic for me. That's the one I chose after doing a bunch of research. Dh and I decided to go to Ottawa because his parents live there and it would be cheaper. Also, we used to live there, so we kinda know the city. Unfortunately his parents are moving this weekend. To a town that is halfway between us and Ottawa (so about an hours drive from Ottawa). We don't drive, so that adds a kink into the plans.
I know my MIL would make the drive (provided she's well enough, as she's just had open heart surgery to repair a valve) for us, but I'm always really uncomfortable around her, and being stuck in a car for an hour with her tends to be torture for me.
I'm also quite aware that my first appointment, should they accept me, will likely come AFTER the new school year starts, but at this point, I'm prepared to do extra work just to have a chance at getting pregnant.
Karen's reflection got me thinking back on my journey... my 6th wedding anniversary was almost exactly a week ago (May 3rd), which means it's been 6 years since I took my last BCP (I took it the morning of my wedding day, cuz that's when my last pack ran out). We decided to wait 6 months from then to start trying, knowing my past history with my cycles. So, it's been 5.5 years since my IF journey officially started, in my mind. We sought help after only 6 months of trying to no avail, even though you're supposed to wait a year. The doctors I was seeing agreed that since I'd been off BCPs for a year and never used any form of contraception, that they'd start the count from the day I took my last BCP. I guess that means I've really been on this journey since my wedding day....
I knew from a very young age that it would be hard for me to get pregnant. Once I learned how the menstrual cycle was supposed to work, and realized that mine was not anywhere close to being 'normal', I knew. I've always wanted to be a mommy, even if I pretended for a long time as a kid that I wasn't a girl (I wanted to be a boy like my brothers, so I could do 'boy' stuff).
So... 6 years of IF. 6 years of no RE taking me seriously because I happen to weigh 288 pounds. 6 years of pining, grieving and depression. The last 4 years have been a crazy emotional rollercoaster between my IF and my Daddy's cancer battle.
It's time for me to get serious and start making the doctors take my health and IF seriously. It's time to start doing what I should have been doing from the start, managing my own journey instead of going along with the ride!
Also, went to my Dad's appointment with his cancer doc today. All signs say we've bought more than just a couple of months worth of time with the chemo. It nearly killed him at first, but he's bounced back and current CT and Xray results are showing no enlarged lymph nodes. She's 'cutting him loose' a bit and instead of monthly visits to see her, he's not got monthly bloodwork to monitor his counts and appointments every 3 months with her.
Now, on to the IF related stuff. DH and I had a discussion the other night while I was wallowing in the bath. See, I haven't had a visit from AF since the beginning of February. And that was 158 days from the start of the previous cycle. I'm worried that something's gone even more wrong, but with the confirmation of the cysts, I know it's probably because of them that my cycle has gone wonkier than it usually is.
I was saying maybe I should go on BCPs to regulate my cycle for a little while, but he's concerned that it'll just mask the problem and won't help at all. So we talked a while longer, and eventually we agreed that I need to basically shit or get off the pot where the referral to an outside-of-the-city RE.
I hummed and I hawed a bit longer, and still wasn't sure if I wanted to get the referral now when I walked into my GP's office for a prescription renewal of the Metformin. After discussing how things were going with the Metformin, and getting the new prescription, I suddenly blurted out that I was ready for the referral. It came out of nowhere, so I'm sure my unconscious mind made the decision for me.
So, now my GP is sending a referral to the Ottawa Fertility Clinic for me. That's the one I chose after doing a bunch of research. Dh and I decided to go to Ottawa because his parents live there and it would be cheaper. Also, we used to live there, so we kinda know the city. Unfortunately his parents are moving this weekend. To a town that is halfway between us and Ottawa (so about an hours drive from Ottawa). We don't drive, so that adds a kink into the plans.
I know my MIL would make the drive (provided she's well enough, as she's just had open heart surgery to repair a valve) for us, but I'm always really uncomfortable around her, and being stuck in a car for an hour with her tends to be torture for me.
I'm also quite aware that my first appointment, should they accept me, will likely come AFTER the new school year starts, but at this point, I'm prepared to do extra work just to have a chance at getting pregnant.
Karen's reflection got me thinking back on my journey... my 6th wedding anniversary was almost exactly a week ago (May 3rd), which means it's been 6 years since I took my last BCP (I took it the morning of my wedding day, cuz that's when my last pack ran out). We decided to wait 6 months from then to start trying, knowing my past history with my cycles. So, it's been 5.5 years since my IF journey officially started, in my mind. We sought help after only 6 months of trying to no avail, even though you're supposed to wait a year. The doctors I was seeing agreed that since I'd been off BCPs for a year and never used any form of contraception, that they'd start the count from the day I took my last BCP. I guess that means I've really been on this journey since my wedding day....
I knew from a very young age that it would be hard for me to get pregnant. Once I learned how the menstrual cycle was supposed to work, and realized that mine was not anywhere close to being 'normal', I knew. I've always wanted to be a mommy, even if I pretended for a long time as a kid that I wasn't a girl (I wanted to be a boy like my brothers, so I could do 'boy' stuff).
So... 6 years of IF. 6 years of no RE taking me seriously because I happen to weigh 288 pounds. 6 years of pining, grieving and depression. The last 4 years have been a crazy emotional rollercoaster between my IF and my Daddy's cancer battle.
It's time for me to get serious and start making the doctors take my health and IF seriously. It's time to start doing what I should have been doing from the start, managing my own journey instead of going along with the ride!
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