Oh For Life to Be Back To Normal

Today I feel so out of words.  I feel to have the thought enter your mind that "I can't believe my son is gone"  What words can I say?  The empty feeling, the loss of my child what do I say?  Do I say "There must be a reason"?,  But I don't know of one.
Do I try to accept that I no longer can go see him.  How do I do that?  Do I tell myself that someday it will be easier?  Do I want it to be?  Do I go for a second without him on my mind?  Than BAMMM there is the PAIN!  I say I can't believe it.  I can't believe his gone.  How do I wrap my mind around that thought.  I don't want to.  I know I can't pretend that nothing is different.  I know I can't pretend that I can pack my clothes and go visit him.  I want to though.  I want to believe that the cancer never happened.  I want to believe he is still here on this earth looking forward to the new birth of his grand daughter.  I want to believe any minute my phone will be a text from him.  I want to believe he is calling to let me know what he is doing tomorrow.
I want to hear him say "Mom when you coming down for a visit?"  I want to hear him say "Mom I love you"  I just want to hear him.  But I don't so what do I say?  Today, I really don't know what to say.  Yes, I do know what I want to say!!!!
I want my life back to normal!!!  That is all today that I can think to say.  Oh How All I want to say is I JUST WANT
 
My Life Just Back To Normal.Just Back To Normal Again.