Oh boy.......
I had a hard time sleeping last night because of the phone call I received a call from a woman named Karen who I got to know over the last few years or so because of our sons. Her oldest and my youngest were very good friends in high school (still are friends) but had some rocky times due to their usage. When T-Man was in high school and was using the harder drugs ~ his behavior reflected it. He broke into his friend's home and stole a lot of items from them and was eventually caught. Later the two boys got into a physical fight because of what my son did. T-Man had his nose re-broken (first time was because of soccer) and T broke his friend's arm. Neither were charged for assault because both of them were injured. This was 4 years ago.
I didn't know the single mom at that point. I was mortified over T breaking into their home and I was too embarrassed to call her. Some time later she called me and over time we got to know each other over the phone. In fact, sometimes we would talk for long periods of time. She's had it rough and so have her boys. Karen divorced their dad because of his drinking, that eventually took his life. The boys were young and had a very, very hard time with it. Thankfully, she had (has) a great job and doesn't have to worry about finances. The downside, however, with that was the supervision at home ~ after school and sometimes during. She had a reputation for being very lax in that department. I know she was a major enabler with her boys but I don't blame or judge her for that because we all were at one time (some more than others but she didn't have a spouse to help her). Based on what she's told me ~ she was doing all that she could to make it inviting to her boys and friends to hang out at her house, rather than somewhere else. She was always feeding the boys ~ including my son. He hung out there a lot. My son likes her a lot. She's kind and caring. Always concerned about the kids.
And then last year she discovers she has mouth cancer. She was a smoker and allowed the kids to smoke in the house because she did. It was extremely rough what she went through and almost died. Boys were a mess. Her youngest (who she worried about too) hung out with many of her oldest son's friends (including T) and ended up overdosing and he almost died. It was his attempt to get into a residential treatment center. Insurance would only agree to outpatient at that point.
Fast forward. I had never met Karen face to face until recently. She had hosted a jewelry party that I attended. Life was looking up. She's had good check ups, her oldest moved out, her youngest seemed to be in a good place (hanging out with the kids with "a good reputation" - jocks) and she re-painted and redecorated her home. I a was so happy for her. She actually broke down crying relieved about her youngest and his progress. No more trouble in school.
And then......... came New Year's. She finally could relax a bit. Her youngest, now 17, seemed to be doing okay. She was invited to a friend's house for a party and agreed to allow her son to have a "few friends" over while she was gone. She told me that it was only for a few hours. She said that when she returned she heard some kids in the basement and (as always) threw some food in the oven for them. So then she goes downstairs in the basement (that she recently remodeled) that has a flat screen TV and pool table to entertain the kids and what does she find? 60 kids! She was so upset and told them all to get out. As this is happening ~ the police arrived. In fact, police from two other towns were there to help. They handcuffed Karen and put her in a police car while they gave breathalyzers to the kids and called all the parents. She said there were lots of police cars and then parents' cars coming to pick up their kids all over the street. She said that she tried to explain to the police that she wasn't home (and was only gone for a few hours) and didn't know the kids were there but was kicking them out as the police arrived. They didn't believe her. She is charged (as far as she knows and what the news reporters seemed to know) with supplying alcohol to the kids. Karen also said that the police wanted to search her home. She said no but they told her if she wouldn't allow them, they would quarantine her home for a few days until they got a warrant. She allowed them. They found marijuana and a scale buried in her oldest son's closet. Her 17 year old is also now charged with dealing!
Okay ~ maybe it wasn't a good idea for her not to be home even for a few hours but who knew? Her son appeared to be doing okay. I am not to judge. There are plenty, however, who are making untrue statements that make me so angry. Calling her parenting into question. Somehow I missed the news. But she told me to look at the one report on line. True to their reputation ~ the one local station was right there ~ coming to her house, going up to the high school. She said it was horrible. Her name is all over and her reputation is mud. Karen said that her lawyer suggested that she plead guilty (it's a misdemeanor) pay the $500 and be done with it. She said no! She didn't do anything wrong and doesn't want a record! She's never even had a traffic violation! The one thing the lawyer did say is our town has a new line of inexperienced police officers who have a reputation of violating peoples' rights. Our town officers actually have a long history of screwing things up or being over zealous. For many - they are a joke. Maybe they're bored because nothing really happens in our town like other towns. It always takes more than one car to pull a person over.
Right now I am so angry I could explode!!! I'm angry at the police, I'm angry at the parents who jumped to conclusions, and I'm very angry at the school district for refusing to support me on mandatory parent drug education. This MIGHT be the right time to approach them again! I am thinking of writing a letter to the superintendent an cc'ing the school board, the school administration, the police department, and our local drug enforcement bureau and asking them to come together and support me on this. I have all kinds of newspaper articles and correspondences from other school districts in other states that have programs that bring in 90% + of parents.
As far as the cops are concerned, we were very fortunate. We had some really good cops when we were going through our "stuff". Very lucky.
I wish I could call the chief of police and talk to him. I've been very supportive of them and I have a good reputation based on what I do in the community. I wish I could tell him what he said on the news (I saw it on-line) about Karen was untrue and not fair. I did tell her, however, that I would be glad to be a character witness for her, if she needs one. Poor woman........
I didn't know the single mom at that point. I was mortified over T breaking into their home and I was too embarrassed to call her. Some time later she called me and over time we got to know each other over the phone. In fact, sometimes we would talk for long periods of time. She's had it rough and so have her boys. Karen divorced their dad because of his drinking, that eventually took his life. The boys were young and had a very, very hard time with it. Thankfully, she had (has) a great job and doesn't have to worry about finances. The downside, however, with that was the supervision at home ~ after school and sometimes during. She had a reputation for being very lax in that department. I know she was a major enabler with her boys but I don't blame or judge her for that because we all were at one time (some more than others but she didn't have a spouse to help her). Based on what she's told me ~ she was doing all that she could to make it inviting to her boys and friends to hang out at her house, rather than somewhere else. She was always feeding the boys ~ including my son. He hung out there a lot. My son likes her a lot. She's kind and caring. Always concerned about the kids.
And then last year she discovers she has mouth cancer. She was a smoker and allowed the kids to smoke in the house because she did. It was extremely rough what she went through and almost died. Boys were a mess. Her youngest (who she worried about too) hung out with many of her oldest son's friends (including T) and ended up overdosing and he almost died. It was his attempt to get into a residential treatment center. Insurance would only agree to outpatient at that point.
Fast forward. I had never met Karen face to face until recently. She had hosted a jewelry party that I attended. Life was looking up. She's had good check ups, her oldest moved out, her youngest seemed to be in a good place (hanging out with the kids with "a good reputation" - jocks) and she re-painted and redecorated her home. I a was so happy for her. She actually broke down crying relieved about her youngest and his progress. No more trouble in school.
And then......... came New Year's. She finally could relax a bit. Her youngest, now 17, seemed to be doing okay. She was invited to a friend's house for a party and agreed to allow her son to have a "few friends" over while she was gone. She told me that it was only for a few hours. She said that when she returned she heard some kids in the basement and (as always) threw some food in the oven for them. So then she goes downstairs in the basement (that she recently remodeled) that has a flat screen TV and pool table to entertain the kids and what does she find? 60 kids! She was so upset and told them all to get out. As this is happening ~ the police arrived. In fact, police from two other towns were there to help. They handcuffed Karen and put her in a police car while they gave breathalyzers to the kids and called all the parents. She said there were lots of police cars and then parents' cars coming to pick up their kids all over the street. She said that she tried to explain to the police that she wasn't home (and was only gone for a few hours) and didn't know the kids were there but was kicking them out as the police arrived. They didn't believe her. She is charged (as far as she knows and what the news reporters seemed to know) with supplying alcohol to the kids. Karen also said that the police wanted to search her home. She said no but they told her if she wouldn't allow them, they would quarantine her home for a few days until they got a warrant. She allowed them. They found marijuana and a scale buried in her oldest son's closet. Her 17 year old is also now charged with dealing!
Okay ~ maybe it wasn't a good idea for her not to be home even for a few hours but who knew? Her son appeared to be doing okay. I am not to judge. There are plenty, however, who are making untrue statements that make me so angry. Calling her parenting into question. Somehow I missed the news. But she told me to look at the one report on line. True to their reputation ~ the one local station was right there ~ coming to her house, going up to the high school. She said it was horrible. Her name is all over and her reputation is mud. Karen said that her lawyer suggested that she plead guilty (it's a misdemeanor) pay the $500 and be done with it. She said no! She didn't do anything wrong and doesn't want a record! She's never even had a traffic violation! The one thing the lawyer did say is our town has a new line of inexperienced police officers who have a reputation of violating peoples' rights. Our town officers actually have a long history of screwing things up or being over zealous. For many - they are a joke. Maybe they're bored because nothing really happens in our town like other towns. It always takes more than one car to pull a person over.
Right now I am so angry I could explode!!! I'm angry at the police, I'm angry at the parents who jumped to conclusions, and I'm very angry at the school district for refusing to support me on mandatory parent drug education. This MIGHT be the right time to approach them again! I am thinking of writing a letter to the superintendent an cc'ing the school board, the school administration, the police department, and our local drug enforcement bureau and asking them to come together and support me on this. I have all kinds of newspaper articles and correspondences from other school districts in other states that have programs that bring in 90% + of parents.
As far as the cops are concerned, we were very fortunate. We had some really good cops when we were going through our "stuff". Very lucky.
I wish I could call the chief of police and talk to him. I've been very supportive of them and I have a good reputation based on what I do in the community. I wish I could tell him what he said on the news (I saw it on-line) about Karen was untrue and not fair. I did tell her, however, that I would be glad to be a character witness for her, if she needs one. Poor woman........
Replies
Wow; I wouldn\'t want to be in that woman\'s place. She is lucky to have some good friends, and someone who can see past the junk in the past to become friends and to be a support. I sincerely hope this doesn\'t tear her down in reputation.
There is need for the truth to come out here
And a need for better education.
My son threw a party while I was out of town and the next door nbrs (two cops) called the police. No arrests were made. I was angry about that also. But I felt bad enough just knowing this had happened; I can\'t imagine how this lady feels.
I don\'t even know what to say this is so horrible.
This reminds me of an incident we had in our area. The first was a party that happened in our subdivision. The parents were home and served alcohol. They thought it was OK as long as they didn\'t let anyone drive home and none of the parents knew. It was a giant sleepover. They were dragged through the mud in the news and actually defended themselves in the news because they didn\'t think they did anything wrong. That kept the story on the front pages of our local newspaper. The good news is that it blew over. Today I couldn\'t even tell you their last name and they lived just two blocks away from me. Maybe things are different in a small town.
She\'s not going to have any luck with the police once an arrest has been made. Her only hope is with the DA. They won\'t prosecute unless they think they can get a conviction. Their first step will be to try to make it go away with a $500 fine, which her attorney is advising her to pay. If she can prove she wasn\'t there, then perhaps they will drop the charges. Her best proof would be from people who were at the party with her who can say that she was with them and not at home.
If the DA decides to pursue it, then she may be better off settling and having her attorney negotiate something to get her record expunged if she doesn\'t cause any problems in the future. That at least could clear her legal record, but her name is a different matter.
If she goes to trial to clear her name, that puts the story back on the front pages, which just reminds everyone of the original story. It also continues to drag her son\'s name through the mud and would cost her in legal fees.
She really is in a tough spot, and there but for the Grace of God go I.