Officially labeled
Well, it is official!!! I have a new label. It's not "mom". It's not "nurse". It is "disabled".
I saw the employee health doctor at work today. He watched me for a few seconds and from that was able to determine that I should not be working. He was a very nice man, looked me in the eyes the entire time and constantly reassured me that this was not a "witch hunt" and he was not out to get me.
He told me that based on how I was moving, I am a danger to myself and my patients. I kinda knew that in my heart. I knew I have been going downhill over the last couple of years and that the methotrexate has been absolutely no help to me at all. I just had a really hard time admitting it to myself. And now that someone has actually said it out loud....someone with a degree and experience making those calls, I have to listen. I have to face the fact that I am disabled.
At least now I know that I am not crazy!!! I had myself convinced that my mind was playing tricks on my body and that I wasn't as sick as my body was leading me to believe.
It hasn't sunk in yet. I am still coming to terms with it. The doctor said he would take care of all the paperwork for short term disability for me but there is so much other paperwork that needs to be completed. He told me to file for SSDI and SNAP and whatever else I thought I would need. I don't know where to start. My brain is in a stress fog and I don't even know where to start. I tried to google it, don't even know the words to type in. Maybe I will put it to rest until tomorrow when I have had a chance to talk to my family about what this all means!!
I saw the employee health doctor at work today. He watched me for a few seconds and from that was able to determine that I should not be working. He was a very nice man, looked me in the eyes the entire time and constantly reassured me that this was not a "witch hunt" and he was not out to get me.
He told me that based on how I was moving, I am a danger to myself and my patients. I kinda knew that in my heart. I knew I have been going downhill over the last couple of years and that the methotrexate has been absolutely no help to me at all. I just had a really hard time admitting it to myself. And now that someone has actually said it out loud....someone with a degree and experience making those calls, I have to listen. I have to face the fact that I am disabled.
At least now I know that I am not crazy!!! I had myself convinced that my mind was playing tricks on my body and that I wasn't as sick as my body was leading me to believe.
It hasn't sunk in yet. I am still coming to terms with it. The doctor said he would take care of all the paperwork for short term disability for me but there is so much other paperwork that needs to be completed. He told me to file for SSDI and SNAP and whatever else I thought I would need. I don't know where to start. My brain is in a stress fog and I don't even know where to start. I tried to google it, don't even know the words to type in. Maybe I will put it to rest until tomorrow when I have had a chance to talk to my family about what this all means!!
Replies