ODD SON

I have a son that is 17 now. My husband and I have been having a hard time with my son for about 3 years. He has ODD, ADHD, Anxiety and Auditory processing disorder. He gets easily upset for everything and has outburst and breaks things in the house and outside. He has holes in the walls and his door to his room. He gives me the mother the hardest time and blames me for everything. He is scary at times and speaks very bad to me like I'm not his mother. My husband and I don't have a life and can never go anywhere and can't take him. He is behind in school from third grade and now he is in the 10th and had to change 3 schools this year after he was put on a IEP for behavior and ADHD, Anxiety and auditory processing disorder. He does not want to go to school and can days without going. Education is very important for us and we have two older children that are college graduates and doing well. We tried therapy two years ago and he didn't want to go anymore. He says it makes him worse. His social friends are not the best. We don't know what to do now he doesn't want therapy. He needs help. We don't want to put him on medication that sucide thought. He is on Intuniv to lower his blood pressure and focus. We need help before he turns 18 and then we can't make that decision and he could be on the street lost. What should we do we need help it is very hard to put him away. My older siblings says he needs to be put away to get help or long term for months.