October 9, 2011 - off probation
Hi Everyone,
Early last week was pretty stressful. Monday, I did feel better after speaking to Diane about everything. I still think she is sticking up for her and not me. Tuesday, I was busy working on getting the instructors ready for Electronic medical record classes, working on the TBA instructor listing on top of everything else. Then I get this venting message from Diane expressing why things weren't done at the proper times. About 3pm, I then got a phone call from one of the OR educators (who thinks I am doing a spactacular job) and I just had a meltdown right after that call happened (it had nothing to do with what was going on). About 3:30, Jen calls me but heard that I was terribly upset and that I wasn't in the right state of mind to go down to HR and talk about things (with Diane). They left me alone. At 4pm, the garbage guy (environmental services) was trying to make me feel better (he was actually upset for me). Jen came to me and I told her "I am feeling that questions you are asking me, I am not giving good answers to - I should have answers that I am done with this!" She left me alone, told me to relax at home and tomorrow we will talk abit more. Diane was alittle more pleasant to me - so I thought maybe I am off this damn probationary period. I was still very upset and immediately had a 7-7 when I got home. I know....alcohol is not the answer but at this time, I was feeling I needed something to numb this stress off me. I just think I needed something temporary to help myself. The next day, I was very tired but not hung over because I drank a glass of water and had a couple of extra strength tylanol. I worked on things diligently and did get results by the end of the day (for the TBA instructors). Jen did come in, we talked. I told her "I really need to work with you on things, good and bad". I told her that I felt like things were closing in on me between getting this paperwork in order, getting the TBA's together, getting the school instructors ready for their Electronic Medical Record classes - then getting that venting email from Diane with Jen's cc (that would definitely be in my employee file). Jen did have some kind things to say - that I have been working hard to get organized, prioritizing things (using the white board across from the office and having red, green and yellow notebooks for work). She then said that I was not to be further disciplined at this time and I had to sign a form stating everything that was mentioned to me. I should have taken a few minutes to read what was on the paper but I just wanted this meeting over with. I was glad to be off probation. The only thing that bothered me was she keeps saying "its not about attitude, its about performance". I have no idea where that came from but I just said "ok".
As long as I am at this job, she has to lighten up and give me a break! I know there is nothing out there and I will be taking the time to get my resume up to speed and hopefully in the next 6-8 months, the job prospects (9%) will improve. This will be my winter project. 1. get the resume together, 2. go to the employee assistance program 3. keep tabs on the job market. I still think its time to leave. I am fortunate to have Diane to protect me a bit. If I didn't have her back, I definitely would have been terminated.
I am still really not happy with Wendy, the HR specialist. I am doing whatever possible to stay away from her. I still don't like her attitude and will not acknowledge her if I see her in the hallway (she does not deserve it). You'd think HR would have my back - I didn't have anyone to protect me or be on my side for any of the disciplinary meetings. I felt like I was attacked by 2 people and didn't have a prayer (well almost). From this day forward, I need to keep my guard up and continue to be cautious with Jen. I don't think I will be out of danger for a long, long, long time. Right now, Sunday at 7:30pm - I can't help think about what I will be dealing with this week. I know I shouldn't but with the situation I was just in - do you blame me? I don't see Judith, the counselor until the 19th. Thats plenty of time to gather information to talk about things that are going on in the office.
Wish me luck on a (hopefully) decent week. We are almost done with compiling the school paperwork records. I have Sonja and Arlene's help and I thank them.
Early last week was pretty stressful. Monday, I did feel better after speaking to Diane about everything. I still think she is sticking up for her and not me. Tuesday, I was busy working on getting the instructors ready for Electronic medical record classes, working on the TBA instructor listing on top of everything else. Then I get this venting message from Diane expressing why things weren't done at the proper times. About 3pm, I then got a phone call from one of the OR educators (who thinks I am doing a spactacular job) and I just had a meltdown right after that call happened (it had nothing to do with what was going on). About 3:30, Jen calls me but heard that I was terribly upset and that I wasn't in the right state of mind to go down to HR and talk about things (with Diane). They left me alone. At 4pm, the garbage guy (environmental services) was trying to make me feel better (he was actually upset for me). Jen came to me and I told her "I am feeling that questions you are asking me, I am not giving good answers to - I should have answers that I am done with this!" She left me alone, told me to relax at home and tomorrow we will talk abit more. Diane was alittle more pleasant to me - so I thought maybe I am off this damn probationary period. I was still very upset and immediately had a 7-7 when I got home. I know....alcohol is not the answer but at this time, I was feeling I needed something to numb this stress off me. I just think I needed something temporary to help myself. The next day, I was very tired but not hung over because I drank a glass of water and had a couple of extra strength tylanol. I worked on things diligently and did get results by the end of the day (for the TBA instructors). Jen did come in, we talked. I told her "I really need to work with you on things, good and bad". I told her that I felt like things were closing in on me between getting this paperwork in order, getting the TBA's together, getting the school instructors ready for their Electronic Medical Record classes - then getting that venting email from Diane with Jen's cc (that would definitely be in my employee file). Jen did have some kind things to say - that I have been working hard to get organized, prioritizing things (using the white board across from the office and having red, green and yellow notebooks for work). She then said that I was not to be further disciplined at this time and I had to sign a form stating everything that was mentioned to me. I should have taken a few minutes to read what was on the paper but I just wanted this meeting over with. I was glad to be off probation. The only thing that bothered me was she keeps saying "its not about attitude, its about performance". I have no idea where that came from but I just said "ok".
As long as I am at this job, she has to lighten up and give me a break! I know there is nothing out there and I will be taking the time to get my resume up to speed and hopefully in the next 6-8 months, the job prospects (9%) will improve. This will be my winter project. 1. get the resume together, 2. go to the employee assistance program 3. keep tabs on the job market. I still think its time to leave. I am fortunate to have Diane to protect me a bit. If I didn't have her back, I definitely would have been terminated.
I am still really not happy with Wendy, the HR specialist. I am doing whatever possible to stay away from her. I still don't like her attitude and will not acknowledge her if I see her in the hallway (she does not deserve it). You'd think HR would have my back - I didn't have anyone to protect me or be on my side for any of the disciplinary meetings. I felt like I was attacked by 2 people and didn't have a prayer (well almost). From this day forward, I need to keep my guard up and continue to be cautious with Jen. I don't think I will be out of danger for a long, long, long time. Right now, Sunday at 7:30pm - I can't help think about what I will be dealing with this week. I know I shouldn't but with the situation I was just in - do you blame me? I don't see Judith, the counselor until the 19th. Thats plenty of time to gather information to talk about things that are going on in the office.
Wish me luck on a (hopefully) decent week. We are almost done with compiling the school paperwork records. I have Sonja and Arlene's help and I thank them.
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