October 14, 2022

I was excited and nervous at the same time trying to figure out what to wear. The staff was wonderful and they helped me out with some of the questions I had and offered me some advice. At first I was nervous as I was looking around seeing all the pretty women around me going about their business of getting ready for their shoot. I complimented on one person how her outfit looked on her. She was beautiful. My first session was just to wear what I was already wearing, jeans and the white shirt and the make-up artist, she was wonderful made me look hell of a lot better than I could ever make myself look like. She also did wonders to my hair as well. The only thing I kept telling myself was to remember to smile and I was glad that I had my deodorant with me, I had sweat dripping down my arms as I was starting to feel embarrassed. Next was the swim suit I wore my two piece with the cover and I was starting to feel more comfortable and started to go with the flow. Feeling the excitement I started trying different expression on my face towards the camera, taking risks or trying to figure out how to express my face on certain outfits that I was wearing that it felt like someone was guiding me. The next shot was casual what I would wear just to play around with and I am glad that I got those fisherman hats as I chosen the  grayish color hat so I wore that along with my aviator sunglasses as the photographer asked me to bring them down a little to show my eyes as I gave him the serious look with my eyes and I guess that gave me my sparkle. Then came time for my outfit that I would wear on special occasions. This I knew would burry me because I was concerned about wearing the heels knowing about my ankle and that I haven't worn them since my accident. So I was thinking about wearing my thigh High boots and I was about to go with the ankle boots with just the sole when this other photographer came up to me and asked me that it would be better for me to go with the heels so at first I hesitated but tried my ankle boots with my sequence white dress, they were a little tight but it gave me just enough support and did the shoot. All during the shoot I kept praying to God to allow me to land the job. In between the shoots the make-up artist did their work on my face as I couldn't believe how beautiful I looked. But the time drew close to the end of my experience thinking that I won't make the cut. But I went in thinking that if I didn't get it I would just enjoy the experience that someone like me in my family has never experience something like that. I don't know maybe they will but I will never know. I wish I can share my experience with them but everyone has blocked me even Merle as she told me that she is blocking my number. So the time came when I was finished with the shoot. Waiting as others were called before me and seen them walk out the same door that they went in from and then it was finally my turn. Looking at the screen on the wall I saw one of my photos up, I was like wow!!! I couldn't believe on how I looked in the photos. I downloaded the rest of my photos and I look wonderful. And was surprised on how I looked. It is now Sunday and I still can not believe that I made the cut. As I am sitting here still crying that I can't believe that I accomplished a goal that in my opinion was unreachable but I gave it a Hail Mary and with the help from God to allow me to land the job. What am I going to do next as I think this through. I just realize that another door has opened up again as someone in my past has reached out to me that I have not seen since last year. Even though I was about to give up on her I guess she is back into my life but not as a friend as she wants to my girlfriend, Are my prayers being answered I think so. I just want to say or scream out loud thanking the Lord for allowing me to have a new job and now bringing Cherri into my life again. I feel like a lucky person and I thank God for bringing me the opportunity. I feel so blessed. All I want to say is Thank you God!!

Well its Monday and I am doing my normal daily maintenance on my body and take a shower. Still stunned about what happened on Friday and yesterday. Cherri back into my and wanting to be with me it sounds to good to be true but as for David I don't think it was meant to be because I know for a fact that Cherri likes me and I have met her prior and I always liked her and her quirky personality. So I ask myself is this all true?? Is this really happening to me and is this for real?? But of course there has to be someone trying to make me depressed ( Merle) text me asking me ready for what as she knew I was going to take her and my son to see the doctors Oct 24 only to tell me that she has a ride by someone else probably Katlin and of course I took those two days off to take them. Another dagger in my back as I am trying to keep myself involved in my kids lives which is becoming impossible. But it hasn't dampen my spirits but I will say that I am depressed and not surprised to have her do that to me again. Goes on telling me why I haven't taken down those postings on my Facebook page as I still don't know what she is talking about because I don't see them in there. What kind of game is she playing. As for the studio and trying to crunch some numbers I am short a 1k in getting started as I explained to my co-workers that I did make the cut and I am now a professional model and gave them a reason why I did what I did and I was glad to that they understood. So October has been an exciting month for me and I hope it continues. Once again I thank God for his help Thank You.