Oct. 29
H's affair started in the summer. I would say it was just blossoming, maybe not even really an emotional affair until September. In September it became physical. Muddling through *this* September - one year later - was a wreck for me. I didn't have the heart to start back up with counseling again, though, because I was too much of a wreck. I wasn't at the point where I could work on anything. I guess I just needed to mourn and be miserable. *shrug* It was so hard having each day pass knowing that he was fucking her on certain days in September and that each of those days he was lying to me.
I've managed through October a little better, but it's been hard. One of the emails I found was one in which the OW begged and pleaded with my husband to come over. He basically told her he didn't think he could get the night off because his boss needed him. I hate that he didn't just tell her "NO. NEVER. LEAVE ME ALONE."
At any rate, she responded:
"Your boss can ask you all he wants- you are familiar with the word "no", are you not? What if you actually DID get sick? It's not outside the realm of possibility- you've been really sick all last week, relapse sounds inevitable really........all this time out in the cold cold rain..... besides, I've chosen to categorize my need to spend tonight with you as an emergency. It's October 29th. Just saying.... :-( You'll have plenty more opportunities to go to work and not see me in the future- no matter what happens ;-P"
What was the significance of Oct. 29? Why was it so imperative that he visit her then? "No matter what happens?" I knew that H was working on a project with OW and that it was HUGE, but wth? It just felt wrong.
Come to find out, the plan was for H to spend one last Halloween with the kids and then to move out on Nov 1. This way the kids would have time to adjust to split households before Thanksgiving and Christmas came. According to H this was OW's plan NOT his and he NEVER planned on leaving. Who knows if that's true or not. The fact that there was a plan in place, no matter who planned it, causes me much pain.
I've already mentioned the issues with relating this to Halloween. Well, here I sit on Oct. 29 - the day of this email that OW sent - and I'm literally sick. I can't sleep. My tummy hurts. My head is killing me. I'm a wreck.
H. is driving two hours away for a work thing which is supposed to last three hours and then coming home. He knew this couldn't fall at a worse time, so he's asked me to go with him. This particular work thing I can't be a part of, so for three hours I'll have to entertain myself. We used to live nearby and I still have a few friends in the area, so it's not so bad, I guess. I am grateful he's asked me to go with him instead of leaving me at home.
I am looking forward to the car time. I'm also looking forward to eating out for lunch. It will be time without kids and largely without other distractions, which means loads of time to talk and connect. I just wish I could let this stupid email go and not worry about what was going on then and just focus on what's going on now.
I've managed through October a little better, but it's been hard. One of the emails I found was one in which the OW begged and pleaded with my husband to come over. He basically told her he didn't think he could get the night off because his boss needed him. I hate that he didn't just tell her "NO. NEVER. LEAVE ME ALONE."
At any rate, she responded:
"Your boss can ask you all he wants- you are familiar with the word "no", are you not? What if you actually DID get sick? It's not outside the realm of possibility- you've been really sick all last week, relapse sounds inevitable really........all this time out in the cold cold rain..... besides, I've chosen to categorize my need to spend tonight with you as an emergency. It's October 29th. Just saying.... :-( You'll have plenty more opportunities to go to work and not see me in the future- no matter what happens ;-P"
What was the significance of Oct. 29? Why was it so imperative that he visit her then? "No matter what happens?" I knew that H was working on a project with OW and that it was HUGE, but wth? It just felt wrong.
Come to find out, the plan was for H to spend one last Halloween with the kids and then to move out on Nov 1. This way the kids would have time to adjust to split households before Thanksgiving and Christmas came. According to H this was OW's plan NOT his and he NEVER planned on leaving. Who knows if that's true or not. The fact that there was a plan in place, no matter who planned it, causes me much pain.
I've already mentioned the issues with relating this to Halloween. Well, here I sit on Oct. 29 - the day of this email that OW sent - and I'm literally sick. I can't sleep. My tummy hurts. My head is killing me. I'm a wreck.
H. is driving two hours away for a work thing which is supposed to last three hours and then coming home. He knew this couldn't fall at a worse time, so he's asked me to go with him. This particular work thing I can't be a part of, so for three hours I'll have to entertain myself. We used to live nearby and I still have a few friends in the area, so it's not so bad, I guess. I am grateful he's asked me to go with him instead of leaving me at home.
I am looking forward to the car time. I'm also looking forward to eating out for lunch. It will be time without kids and largely without other distractions, which means loads of time to talk and connect. I just wish I could let this stupid email go and not worry about what was going on then and just focus on what's going on now.
Replies
\"I just wish I could let this stupid email go and not worry about what was going on then and just focus on what\'s going on now.\" Sweety, been there, done that. It takes time, lots of time, but you will get there. Hugs.
Allora,
I think knowing there was a plan in place this time last year, even if it was hers, is a tough thing to live with. Sounds to me like a time to allow yourself your feelings. Wrap yourself up. If you tell your man how you\'re feeling, he might be able to comfort you and hold you.