Nurture yourself

I promise I'll be back this weekend to update about moi, but on the run this morning... so for now:

From a friend's FB site:

The Grieving Parent
You are at this site, because you are in mourning. You have been "torn apart" and have some very special needs right now. Among these special needs is to nurture yourself in five important ways: physically; emotionally; cognitively; socially;and spiritually. While all of these areas are vitally important, this posting focuses on practical ways to nurture yourself.

When you are in mourning, you usually feel under-rested and overwhelmed. Your body is probably letting you know it feels distress. You may feel you have no strength left for your own basic needs, let alone the needs of others. Actually, one literal definition of the word "grievous" is "causing physical suffering." Yes, right now your body is telling you it has, just like your heart, been "torn apart" and has some special needs!

Your body is so very wise. It will try to slow you down and invite you to authentically mourn the loss of your child. The emotions of grief are often experienced as bodily-felt energies. We mourn life losses from the inside out.

Among the most common physical responses to loss are trouble sleeping and low energy. It is so common we even have a fancy term for it-the "lethargy of grief." You are probably finding that your normal sleep patterns have been thrown off. Perhaps you are having difficulty getting to sleep, but even more commonly, you may wake up early in the morning and have trouble getting back to sleep. During your grief journey your body needs more rest than usual. You may also find yourself getting tired more quickly-sometimes even at the start of the day.

Sleeping normally after a loss would be unusual. If you think about it, sleep is the primary way in which we release control. When you experience a life loss, you feel a great loss of control. At a subconscious level, you may not want to lose any more control by sleeping. So sleep problems are very natural in the face of life losses.

Muscle aches and pains, shortness of breath, feelings of emptiness in your stomach, tightness in your throat or chest, digestive problems, sensitivity to noise, heart palpitations, queasiness, nausea, headaches, increased allergy symptoms, changes in appetite, weight loss or gain, agitation, and generalized tension-these are all ways your body may react to losses that you encounter in life.

The stress of grief can suppress your immune system and make you more vulnerable to physical problems. If you have a chronic existing health challenge, it may become worse. Right now you may not feel in control of how your body is responding. Your body is communicating with you about the special needs it has right now. Befriending and mindfully giving attention to your physical symptoms will allow you to discover your body's native intelligence.

Yet, it can be difficult to slow down and care for your body when you are surrounded with pain and sadness. In actuality, when you are in mourning, you need to slow down, to turn inward, to embrace feelings of loss, and to seek and accept support. No, it is not always easy to care for your physical being in a mourning-avoidant culture. Without doubt, physical self-care takes time, mindfulness, and discernment.

To practice physical self-care doesn't mean you are feeling sorry for yourself; rather it means you are allowing yourself to have courage to pay attention to your special needs. For it is in physically nurturing yourself that you can eventually allow yourself the time and loving attention you need to journey through your grief to discover a fullness of living and loving again.

Taking care of your physical self during this naturally vulnerable time in your life is essentially about personal guardianship. It means accepting personal responsibility for your own special health needs as part of your need to self-nurture.

Sending love....