numb mostly

most of today ive just felt really numb.i have spent most of it on my own and even though i was lonely i did ok.then tonight stbx rang our daughter and i lost it,couldnt stop crying.i am sick of crying.i know i want him to keep in touch with the kids for thier sake but for some reason when i know hes on the phone my stomache does sumersalts and i feel sick.