Now I know I\'m ok

I tried to recover so many times but fell, then finally just under 8 months ago ( i remember the day exactly), something changed, something clicked, my whole heart wanted recovery and I wanted it for me.  I knew after years with my eating disorder it wouldn't be easy, but I felt strong and determined.  I knew I had to take it slowly, one step at a time, setting myself challenges along the way.  I once heard that you know you have recovered from an eating disorder when you look back and dont recognise the person you were.  I wasn't sure about this, I thought everyday I would have to fight to stop myself going back.  I guess recovery means something different for every person, but I now understand that statement because when I look back at the person I was, and the life I used to live I cannot imagine being that person anymore.  I took everything a step at a time learning to enjoy life once more, sometimes as people on here have witnessed I had doubts and set backs, but I think these only aided my recovery.  I always looked at recovery as an ongoing processes, I couldn't see where the finishing line was, or even if there was one, but it is strange I suddenly saw the finishing line in the distance, and I think the recovery process sped up from then, I began bolting towards that finishing line, I began feeling like the person I once was and who I had forgotten when ED took over.  I have found myself doing things and realising I am thinking about them differently to when I last did them (ED had left that particular situation).  I feel like right now I am stood with the finishing line right infront of me, nothing is holding me back from crossing it, but I am just stood breathing, looking around, and taking everything in, appreciating where I am, remembering where I have been and getting excited about the future.  I'm gunna cross it sometime soon, but I am happy where I am so I'll stay here for a bit and treasure the freedom I feel.  I really didn't think I could ever feel the way I do, and I wish I could help other people feel this way, I know everyone can.  It hasn't been easy and I know there may be times that ED raises its ugly head and tries to take hold, but I won't worry about that now, because I know I if it does I can stop it, I am stronger than it.  Happiness isn't found through what you eat or don't eat or through how much you way, I've learnt that now, and perhaps the only way to learn it is to feel it.  I feel that I have learnt so much that I now have a tool kit which will prevent me from going back, I never want to be the way I was, or feel the way I did again, and I feel that so strongly that I know I won't. Anyway, these are just my random ramblings from where I stand at the finish line, appreciating where I am and reflecting on where I have been.  Please comment if you read this, if this can give someone even a little encouragement then I would be very happy! :-D