Now,after all my efforts,I have got to do it all again

Good morning journal,the time is now 8:49am,I have been awake for most of the night,sleeping only fitfully,then lying awake for long periods in the dark.As dawn began to break,our oldest dog Buttons went into her usual"I need to go"routine,and as usual,I got up and she hopped into my side of the bed and promptly settled down to sleep.I decided then,as I was already on my feet anyway,to head for the kitchen in search of coffee,and then I came here with the aforementioned coffee and settled in my chair to write whatever comes to mind.After I collected the referral letter from my doctor,and incidentally,it is a very nice letter,as begging letters go,I received a call from my wife informing me that the opticians had called and my new spectacles were ready for collection,and as I was already in their location I decided to kill two birds with one stone and pick them up as well.Having spent most of yesterday in quiet reflection and ruminating on our current circumstances,I decide to call one of these food banks in our area when my wife provided me with a telephone number she had obtained from the internet.I spoke with a very nice man,and explained that I had collapsed at work last July,was incapable of work at present,and told him of the letter my doctor had provided for me.The gentleman told me that they didn't deal with doctors practices as such,any referral had to come from an official body of organizations that were on a list that they had to adhere to.He mentioned the citizens advice bureau as the main organization which they dealt with on a daily basis,I explained that I had already asked them and been refused and his advice was to go there again on Monday morning and show them the letter from my doctor and ask them to reconsider their decision.So,not only is the very nice letter my doctor provided not enough,depending on my success or failure at the citizens advice bureau on Monday,it may be totally worthless altogether,don't you just love bureaucracy?. My wife,who,next to Jesus,knows me better than any other person on the planet,is worried about me I know,I have been largely silent and withdrawn over the past few days,preferring to keep my thoughts to myself for the most part,and looking for solutions and ways to ease our current situation on my own.This morning,I have to report that,thus far,I can,and have,come up with nothing positive that could alleviate the hardship we are going through at present,but I shall keep trying,for this moment in time it is all I can do.The one positive note from my telephone conversation with the man from the food bank was that he said if the citizens advice bureau changed their decision in view of my doctors letter,the charity that he worked for could help me very quickly,so it all depends on how persuasive I can be on Monday,and how receptive and sympathetic whoever listens to me is,and even if I can get to see anybody at all without an appointment.As to other news,Caesar finally seems to accept that Bree is not destined to be the girl for him,her waning passion means,that at last,she is beginning to come out of season,and Caesar's blood is beginning to cool,and his ardor abating,thank the Lord,it has been a difficult time for all concerned.I have not worked on my novel for some time now,my inability to concentrate coupled with more pressing matters that had to be dealt with means that it is very much on the back burner for now,it is a project which may,or may not,provide a much needed injection of cash into our empty coffers in the future,but for now,it is more important that I find a means of survival for us in the short term,and unfortunately,at this present time,I seem to spend most of my waking hours running into very thick brick walls,and each time I do,it gets harder and harder to get back up again.This morning,it is difficult to describe my feelings,I am tired,more mentally than physically,my efforts of the past few days have left me weakened and vulnerable to the voices in my mind,and it is taking most of the mental strength I have left just to stay in control of my thought process,and I struggle at times simply keeping them in any semblance of order to enable me to deal with them individually.The sheer speed of things racing through my mind is exhausting at times,and when I am tired,as I am now,I am sometimes unable to determine if I am thinking for myself,or whether one of my voices are doing it for me,it is confusing,and more than a little disconcerting.As always,I am uplifted and most grateful for the comments and advice left by my wonderful friends here on this site,and I thank them all for their prayers and support,what would I do without you?;thank you all.Well journal,I can do nothing until tomorrow now,so let us make the best of today,and let us hope for an understanding listener in the citizens advice bureau,if indeed I get to see anyone at all,who may throw a few crumbs of hope in our direction.Until then,may God continue to walk with us.