November's Surprise Wasn't a Surprise

Well I guess it is starting again thinking that things will settle down but I am sorry to say that it hasn't and I don't think it will ever stop. As Merle continues to ask me why I am trashing her. But I never can have the heart to tell her exactly how I feel as I feel that she never accepts my feelings that I have. But I do remember pretty much everything she had done to me. I will also say that I wasn't proud of myself having affair with Laura but I feel that was the caused by her pushing me away when she felt down. Last night or maybe I should say that she will not give up asking me why I am talking smack about her, but the truth is that she will not be able to handle the truth as I mentioned before she never gave up control over me and she will not give up trying. It's what KC told me that if I was the aggressor I wouldn't have left. She went on telling me that she has asked me many times to leave but I didn't see it that way because when she asked that question why am I here and I started to pack my stuff she actually was following me around like a puppy dog yelling at me saying that I planed this all along and telling me that I am not taking this and that to use to pack my things and then making believe that she was calling the police, making me think that she was telling them that I am a wanted convicted person with warrants for my arrest making me back down crying to get her to forgive me. But she doesn't say the real truth making me believe that I am at fault. But it is not the way I remember things. Just like when she blackmailed me into remarrying her as she told me that the prosecutor wanted her to testify against me knowing that I knew that there wasn't any money in the account. But my recollection was that I tried to call the bank to verify that amount in our account, only to have her run up to me asking me who am I calling as I told her only to have her say don’t you trust me. I should have stuck to my guns as I wouldn't be in this position even today I haven't heard anything as of yet being expunged. But as she places it that I knew about it and went ahead doing it. I just wish that she will move on and before I forget she did mention to me by saying that she could have me in jail for not paying child support and that vanne was under the age of 18 when I left. But when I left in April 2019 he was 16 if my calculations are correct but she insisted that she did not want any money from me what's so ever. But I would come up and take her food shopping. It gave me the chance to see the boys but now since they know about me being a trans they don't want me to see them.  But that didn't bother me as I kept her promises that I wouldn’t mention their names on Facebook and I haven't but she tells me that people would put two and two together and threaten her. Which is far and between.

I do have good news though as I also find out that my oldest son is going to have a child with his new girlfriend as I am happy to be another grandfather but of course I don't think I will be allowed to see the new baby, also with Gabby's baby as well.

I just wish I can for see the future to see what transpires.

As November continued to go day by day, it came with more surprises that no one could foreseen as it turned my life upside down. I took my son to his eye appointment on Monday and on the way back the unforeseen happened as I was coming back from taking my son and Merle from lunch I ended up in a car accident that totaled my car that I have worked hard to get only to have it trashed by some person who's judgement faltered in making a left turn right in front of me that I couldn't avoid hitting them in the side, I really don't know what she was thinking about. I am trying to work things out with the insurance company but I am going to allow the lawyer's to take over. The accident didn't go without injuries. My son I thank God that he wasn't hurt and me I am not doing to bad, once in awhile I get some ringing in my ears and a slight headaches but at least the ibuprofen is helping for now but unfortunately Merle has suffered injuries that the doctors and I feel that she is going to have to surgery of her bowels, it is causing her blood pressure to be at dangerous levels.  I just pray to God that she will be ok. I am so worried about her that I cry every time that I think about her I just pray that she will be ok. I do not know if they are going to Thanksgiving dinner but of course I won't be there to enjoy it with them. One another note of sad news that Robert told me face to face that he doesn't want to see me as Danielle, I guess that I will have to be Daniel but really I still will be Danielle because I already had the surgery done several years ago.  But does Vanne feel that way as well?? I do not know

In the mean time things are still up in the air, or I should say that Kelly could not keep her end of the bargain of keeping me at 36 hours a week due to the lack of work that I had to resort to collecting partial unemployment but I can't change my name to Danielle from Daniel. I managed to collect to additional credit cards to increase my credit score but I have been using them to help pay for my portfolio so I can start my new career. Back in August when this person confronted me on messenger telling my that I qualified for a grant so I paid $500 for a grant of $100,000 only to find out that I had to pay an additional 1500 to give FedEx for delivery at that time I was hesitant on handing out more money so I let everything go until recently someone  from Australia offered to help pay 500 to move me closer to the 1500. When he made the payment I did received notification of the payment of 500 making me to believe that this is for real, but I am still being cautious. As of now I did pay it off and they told me that it will be delivered this coming Monday. If this is true and I have the cash In hand I will be paying off all the credit cards to zero balance and the medical bills that I have like Temple and med financial for a round total of

12,000, also I will be paying off Apex studio so I can start my career in the fashion  industry , I just hope a can land some job offers. So Danielle can live her dream. Also I am going to try to get a half way decent car and maybe a home that I can claim that it is mine to live in. I will still be working for Arby's just in case I don't land a job quick. That way I won't be using my grant. As for the rest I will be investing in something that will allow me gain some interest that I can use on a monthly basis to help some me somewhat to live off of. But will see what Monday happens when it comes , that is if they show up with the grant money but I am going to have to inspect the bills to make sure they are not fake. I hope that this is for real.

Once again there is another delay called the IRS but again this person doesn't know crap and I mentioned to this person that the state will be next. For such a person who supposedly works for this doesn't know crap which leads me to believe that this is a scam. He just text me telling me to relax and that I will get this grant. But I know that I am not going to fall for this scheme again. I am tired of him lying to me and I am not going to fall for his scheme anymore. I don't care for it anymore. I just need to stand my ground. This person is incompetent at his job but he is good at scamming people and having others go a long with him.

Well anyway I have to figure out how to get out of this mess. But it is going to take me awhile to get out.   

Well Thanksgiving came and went but as always I pretty much spent it alone. After 3 years you would figure that my family would invite me to Thanksgiving dinner. Being alone on the holiday I would cry just thinking about them wondering will I ever spend a holiday with them. Since this is just the beginning of the holiday season it will likely be the same for Christmas. As for Thanksgiving I was able to help a family in need with dinner even though I didn't cook it but I was able to find a church that was giving a way a turkey dinner with the trimmings. With the help from Fran as I wouldn't know what to do with out her help all these years that she has pulled me out of a lot of bad spots, as I will say that she has kept me many of times from committing suicide. I just wanted to give up on life. I just get so tired of living. But this Thanksgiving it was different in away that I was able to help a family in need by getting them dinners from the church and deliver them to their home. Even though they offered me to stick around to join them I decided not to join in that it is suppose to be for the family and I am not family just a co worker. But it came with depressing news as I found out that she is planning on leaving Arby's but I don't blame her at the payrate Arby's is paying it's hard just getting by and they have two people bringing in a paycheck. It is difficult living off a paycheck from Arby's. As for myself I am still working on trying to get my portfolio paid off so I can work as a fashion model. But the good news is that I have paid off roughly 2350 but I still have about 500 that I have to come up with. I hope to get it all paid off before the end of the year. As it is already December 2, I wonder what this month will give me or grant me but before I close out November I will say that a gentleman that I see at Arby's, the one who gives me $50 gift cards for Bed & Bath asked me about my car and I was honest in telling him that I was in an accident and I was trying to look for another one to replace it but I told him that the money left over wouldn't help but he did the most kindest thing that I never knew anyone stranger would do for me was he handed me a thousand dollar check for me to use for a car. I just couldn't believe that he did such a generious offer to help me so I hope that I will find another car within my price range so maybe, just maybe once the insurance company releases the remaining amount to me to get the car. I gut is telling me that I should get something like an SUV but my mind is telling to try to get the same car I had before but a year younger. Will see.

The funny thing is that I remember applying for a roll in a short mini series of Miley a Milo filming back in July only to receive an email saying that they already have a cast in place making me think I was never in the running. No big deal, I just wish them luck in the mini series. I just have a bigger things to keep my attention to. I hope that I can get the ball rolling by January. I am going to work my best at this.

As for my family I haven't told them about the job offer. I don't know if they will believe me or not. But I do have proof. I just I hope I enjoy doing it that I will definitely do it full time and be out of Daniel's shadow in a job perspective. I just wish I can share this possible wonderful adventure. Until next time stay tuned as they would say.