November 8,2020

Well I have entered my 6th day of my post-op surgery. I have accomplished going to the bathroom on the toilet but I had some help getting there. I still don't know when my discharge date will be. From my understanding I am suppose to learn how to dilate and to shower to make sure my new vagina is clean from any foreigner debris. Like fecal debris and I have to make sure that I wipe from front to back. I am doing ok with my hemorrhoids on the inside but the outside I am having problems with because I was having diarrhea the previous day but when I get home I feel that I can go back doing my enema's. I feel no regrets in what I have done, I feel happy with myself that I completed that part of my journey but I feel that there will be challenges coming my way and I will be waiting for the challenge that I will be facing. But one thing for sure that I will not be alone as I know Daniel will be there with me to make fast decisions and to guide me. I hope that between the two of us we can build a subconscious and conscious agreement that will prevent the turmoil we encountered previously. I feel that I will no longer be only one but two Daniel and Danielle but Danielle will be the one that top preference to any decisions of my life. Daniel has had his chance in life not taking opportunities letting Merle take complete control of his life and soon enough his kids got into the act. I feel sorry for him allowing to let it happen. But I will make his life much better as I have this past year. Correcting his health, keeping him from going blind and getting his blood pressure control. So far with the amount of days being in the hospital for a total of 6 days my blood pressure has been under control without taking medication for it, I am going to try to keep off of it and see what happens, I hope this will be a good thing for the both of us. But I will not do it with out the consent of my primary care Phycian. Well it is just after 5am in the on November 8th 2020 I am going to see what will transpire later today.

Now For a recap prior to my surgery as it was not easy during the past 8 weeks of turmoil.

My surgery finally came and went as I am looking forward to recovery. I will admit that I have overcome a lot of uncertainties in the past 8 weeks of my life. Finding out things I never knew what my subconscious mind can do and try to settle it down before any damage can be done, like the cancelation of my surgery and the lost of my job. I learned a lot about my subconscious mind can do to me by taking my conscious mind out of reality and it was scary or I should say a traumatizing experience in my life that my mind can do that to me also to find out that it can do major damage that could never be fixed like losing our job or having the capability of killing me in cold blood. It turned scary as I was learning more about my subconscious mind on what it could do. My first initial thought that it couldn't hurt me but showing me my nightmares but what I was experiencing was no way a dream,

I was being pulled out of reality into my subconscious mind and watching what my subconscious mind was doing and it was very disturbing but knowing that it could cause a lot of damage including killing oneself. It was disturbing to find that out from my therapist which gave me an idea on how to come to terms with it and it had to be done quickly to place it in a safe box. I felt weird about this whole thing but after reading about what it can do I had to come to terms to get my subconscious mind in a safe zone that will not cause me harm, I will not mention what it was doing to me but with the help of my therapist and a lot of friends including one that has a degree in phycology, he was very informulable as I finally decided to sit down and come to terms with it as I gave it a name of Daniel because it is the memories of his experience of his life that is stored in his mind and he was using it to get me into his safe zone of not taking risks in his life only to find out later that he regrets not doing it, Daniel was always afraid to take risks and he always afraid of the outcome if he did as he never took the chance, he might have had a better life but I am going to change it for the better as Danielle took over and made his life a better place for him as I show him all the journals he has written describing the abuse he endured all his life and not standing up for himself. As he came across a lady named Josie who opened his eyes up to who he really was a living female that was trying to come out of the closet only to force her way out many years later until she said enough was enough. She took the opportunity saying time to change for the better and to move on. She as we know today Danielle took over and Daniel decided to leave taking what ever he could with him and during his journey he was afraid to take the leap going to Wendy's explaining to them what was going on in his life only to have someone telling him he was making a mistake, not to do this and not to change into a women. But the determination grew strong to keep going even though he thinking of turning back through out his journey back to New Jersey where he found a friend that offered a place for him. Letting her know that he will do his best to help her out in the process even though he had a plan in place but no time to enact on it, for once in his life he took that giant leap of faith as he found out that it was coming true and the trust in someone's word was not a lie. He was happy and decided to come out of the closet to stay out for good as Danielle and living as a female. We had some set backs but manage to get through them together with a lot of help from friends. That he was amazed all the support he was getting from a lot of people and today Daniel and Danielle took that giant step in having the surgery and I will say that It has made me very happy in life and look forward in living the rest of my life as Danielle. I will say the feelings I was having was that God was guiding me to my happiness. As I will thank him for his help as I feel that he guided me out of an abusive relationship. Now being Danielle I am going to try to cut the ties with his wife and move forward as I feel that Merle did not file for the divorce and I am going to go ahead and do it myself just as I am going to clear Daniel's name from a felony charge that should have never been opposed on him for something he did not do as he was only influenced by his wife that was supposedly be standing by his side to keep him safe just as much as he was doing to her only to be deceived by his wife by doing such dastardlier dead against him. I say that we will prevail just as we prevailed our surgery today. I can say that I am very happy that I have accomplished huge step in my life without no regrets.

Danielle