i have nothing but admiration for you you have endured so much yet are still hanging in there and you reached out for support from other people that have similar issues or just need a friend to talk to! i am here for you whenever you just want to talk!
Today is the 30th... Cara died on the 30th of October, one month ago. I wish so much she\'d visit me. She came to me the night she died. I had been so worried about her so many times I\'d pictured her dead... lying with her throat cut, or strangled, or beaten to death... but that was always when I was awake and worrying about her which has been almost constant for some time now... Anyway that night in a nightmare I saw her laid out, at first I thought it was my mom because she was so swollen and I was some distance from her... but then I got closer and it was Cara... I woke up and didn\'t think too much about it... after all I\'d been having these images in my head, but always when I was awake... I just thought that the dream was a result of my worries... I went on to work. My husband called me at work and asked for my son in law\'s phone number... My radar naturally went o... I asked him why and he told me he was putting together a new address book for us... I looked at the clock it was 6:02am NO I thought... he\'s got a organized mind but not even Richard is creating an address book at this time... I demanded to know if something was wrong with Cara... Finally he told me she had been hit by a car on I-10 W at the Perkins access ramp.
My children have been the best part of my life. I still have my son John and I have a stepson... there is so much pain I can\'t write about all of this... I have my grandchildren, my husband my son in law and my daughter in law... but Cara\'s absence is really so bad... I know I need to be happy for her... she\'s in heaven... she doesn\'t hurt anymore... why couldn\'t she have gotten the help she needed here... I\'m going to add this now so I don\'t erase it... I\'m sorry if I make people sad I really am but I am so sad right now
I\'m still reading other people\'s journal entries and discussion topics... I\'m a bit disappointed about the lack of comment on my plea for help but not terribly surprised... I\'m working hard to keep my pain to myself except for here... as most of us know we just make people in the quote real world uncomfortable. There\'s a poem on the discussions topic that really says it all for me. I often use my journal more for comments that I want to share with anyone who cares to read... I\'ve got my journal all messed up in sequence but I just don\'t care enough to want to try to fix it.
I would like to add that I went through some things Cara had written and found some comfort there. She had beautiful handwriting and it was good just to see those pages filled with a part of her. She really was trying to help herself. She talked about her difficulty asking for help because it means you\'re not doing it on your own and that hurt because I know I have tended to be that way and I guess I still am. I know that a big part of the problem when the Tau Center and River Oaks didn\'t have any helpful information for us was that we withdrew back into our shells hurt and sad and didn\'t try harder to get the help she needed.
She also wrote about her increasing faith/spirituality and I was so glad to read that. I had talked to her a lot about what comfort there is in faith but she wasn\'t always receptive. I have worried about that a lot but I\'m glad that she thought about those things other than when I was bugging her.
I\'m still in a lot of physical pain. I have to just bear it though as even tylenol often makes me very ill. I\'ve never had much tolerance for any kind of pain medication and that is another reason I still have a hard time understanding both my mother and my daughter\'s addiction to pain pills. I am really grateful who have written to me to tell me about their problems with addiction. I\'m grateful to all who comment or send messages, hugs, etc...
My son in law just called... he is such a comfort... They bought a little Christmas tree for Cara and put it in front of her tomb... She is buried about 2 hours away and I won\'t get to visit much... since I know her spirit is not there but in heaven I\'m ok with that but I\'m glad they are doing that. I\'ve asked them to put a note from me on the tree so I\'m going to get busy and write it and mail it off. I need to make a trip to Houma to do it myself and to go to my mother\'s grave soon. Perhaps next week...
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter on October 28, 2006. She was 22 years old. My daughter was my best friend. She was coming to visit me on November 5 and finally was able to get more than three days off to visit. I live in Orlando and she stayed behind in NY because she wanted to finish school there. She was on a business trip helping out at another store. They found her car half way in a lake. They say it was an accident but her death is still under investigation. I think about her every waking moment. My baby girl is now an Angel with God.
I just found this journal now........I \'m soooooo sorry for your loss too... I lost My Daughter the same wayin2010.... a drug overdose. She would have been 30 this month. I see you lost Cara in 2006 at age 30. again, I\'m so sorry for you/us. (((((((((((((((CarasMom))))))))))
Replies
i have nothing but admiration for you you have endured so much yet are still hanging in there and you reached out for support from other people that have similar issues or just need a friend to talk to! i am here for you whenever you just want to talk!
Today is the 30th... Cara died on the 30th of October, one month ago. I wish so much she\'d visit me. She came to me the night she died. I had been so worried about her so many times I\'d pictured her dead... lying with her throat cut, or strangled, or beaten to death... but that was always when I was awake and worrying about her which has been almost constant for some time now... Anyway that night in a nightmare I saw her laid out, at first I thought it was my mom because she was so swollen and I was some distance from her... but then I got closer and it was Cara... I woke up and didn\'t think too much about it... after all I\'d been having these images in my head, but always when I was awake... I just thought that the dream was a result of my worries... I went on to work. My husband called me at work and asked for my son in law\'s phone number... My radar naturally went o... I asked him why and he told me he was putting together a new address book for us... I looked at the clock it was 6:02am NO I thought... he\'s got a organized mind but not even Richard is creating an address book at this time... I demanded to know if something was wrong with Cara... Finally he told me she had been hit by a car on I-10 W at the Perkins access ramp.
My children have been the best part of my life. I still have my son John and I have a stepson... there is so much pain I can\'t write about all of this... I have my grandchildren, my husband my son in law and my daughter in law... but Cara\'s absence is really so bad... I know I need to be happy for her... she\'s in heaven... she doesn\'t hurt anymore... why couldn\'t she have gotten the help she needed here... I\'m going to add this now so I don\'t erase it... I\'m sorry if I make people sad I really am but I am so sad right now
I\'m still reading other people\'s journal entries and discussion topics... I\'m a bit disappointed about the lack of comment on my plea for help but not terribly surprised... I\'m working hard to keep my pain to myself except for here... as most of us know we just make people in the quote real world uncomfortable. There\'s a poem on the discussions topic that really says it all for me. I often use my journal more for comments that I want to share with anyone who cares to read... I\'ve got my journal all messed up in sequence but I just don\'t care enough to want to try to fix it.
I would like to add that I went through some things Cara had written and found some comfort there. She had beautiful handwriting and it was good just to see those pages filled with a part of her. She really was trying to help herself. She talked about her difficulty asking for help because it means you\'re not doing it on your own and that hurt because I know I have tended to be that way and I guess I still am. I know that a big part of the problem when the Tau Center and River Oaks didn\'t have any helpful information for us was that we withdrew back into our shells hurt and sad and didn\'t try harder to get the help she needed.
She also wrote about her increasing faith/spirituality and I was so glad to read that. I had talked to her a lot about what comfort there is in faith but she wasn\'t always receptive. I have worried about that a lot but I\'m glad that she thought about those things other than when I was bugging her.
I\'m still in a lot of physical pain. I have to just bear it though as even tylenol often makes me very ill. I\'ve never had much tolerance for any kind of pain medication and that is another reason I still have a hard time understanding both my mother and my daughter\'s addiction to pain pills. I am really grateful who have written to me to tell me about their problems with addiction. I\'m grateful to all who comment or send messages, hugs, etc...
My son in law just called... he is such a comfort... They bought a little Christmas tree for Cara and put it in front of her tomb... She is buried about 2 hours away and I won\'t get to visit much... since I know her spirit is not there but in heaven I\'m ok with that but I\'m glad they are doing that. I\'ve asked them to put a note from me on the tree so I\'m going to get busy and write it and mail it off. I need to make a trip to Houma to do it myself and to go to my mother\'s grave soon. Perhaps next week...
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter on October 28, 2006. She was 22 years old. My daughter was my best friend. She was coming to visit me on November 5 and finally was able to get more than three days off to visit. I live in Orlando and she stayed behind in NY because she wanted to finish school there. She was on a business trip helping out at another store. They found her car half way in a lake. They say it was an accident but her death is still under investigation. I think about her every waking moment. My baby girl is now an Angel with God.
I just found this journal now........I \'m soooooo sorry for your loss too... I lost My Daughter the same wayin2010.... a drug overdose. She would have been 30 this month. I see you lost Cara in 2006 at age 30. again, I\'m so sorry for you/us. (((((((((((((((CarasMom))))))))))