Nots about addictoin vs love.

Bill, I have to disagree with you on several points.  First, the idea that if I try really hard to stop masturbating to porn, this effort will change the feelings toward your spouse.  I think in reality that the overlay of emotional disconnection that the addiction  causes begins to subside with the chemical high is really allowing you to "thaw" to your real ginuine feelings.  So though it would seem that the lust and masterbation and porn is killing your feelings towared your wife, in reality it is numbing all of your feelings.  Your heart is hardening to all of the things that are real and true. And you deny or neglect those feelings in leu of killing the pain that the shame and fear causes.I do not feel any differently now after than I ever felt towards my wife. The difference is that I can actually feel those things, where when I act out, I am NOT feeling.  that Is my point.  Your premise is that the acting out is intrinsically tied to your love and relationship with your wife.  This is not ture in my case, and I think in your case, your anger, and resentments toward your wife for her lack of support, or "emotional neglect" compells you to connect the negative feelings that acting out causes with the negative feelings you have toward your wife at this point.  They are two different things. Lots of women are very distrubed about the specific things that are involved in their husbands acting out behaviors.  These arousal templates that determine how acting out manifests.  For example, if a man acts out by having affairs with very attractive escorts, his wife may have a very difficult time believeing her husband is attracted to her.  If he acts out with other men, then she may be very distrubed by those behaviors, but not have any trouble with intercorse. these responses are not about their sexuality together perse, they are about her insecurities that are provoked by his specific acting out behavior.  What I am trying to say is that the sexuality between a man and his wife, has nothing to do with his acting out.  Though it may provoke issues that cause trouble sexually, they are not the same things.   I am trying to disconnect the intrisice spiritual reality that we are one, from the broken reality that sexual sin is sexual sin because it is the same act in and out of the marriage bed. Other factors make it seem that way, but they are the issue not the actual sex. the same applies to the notion of romantic love.  I think that we are compelled in to committment through the courtship process and this romantic love is an intragal part of how God designed the "Cleaving" process, but it should not be expected that it will continue the same way.