Nothing...No 1
Sooo most people have people they can call on for help when things get rough...I have people i can call to vent bet thats about it because they have their own shit going on.
most people have families back home that they can call on in their time of need...my family causes my time of need.
When things get rough most people can go home for a while to get back on their feet...i tried it and fell flat on my back at the hands of my family.
Most people have a friend or two that they can call on to help take their mind off life's challenges...i dont. the people that consider me friends i dont necessary see the same way because they only come around when it suits them and their needs.
Most people have things figured out, hell at least they have a plan and know where they are going...im a bumbling idiot walking backwards in the dark.
i have struggled a lot in my past with issues of emotional detachment, pride & stubbornness to name a few...i made the effort to change and work on those things because i realized in my efforts to protect myself i was hurting others. when i finally let my guard down my world starts to crumble around me and i have no idea how to put my wall back up. Now i am a wreck, flooded with emotions that i have never had to deal with before and its some scary shit. What's worse is that i'm alone.
Not alone like i dont want to be bothered with anyone, but alone as in there is no one. i can go a few days and my phone wont ring. 90% of the people i talk to on a regular basis are medical staff or automated people. when other people do call its either cuz the want something or they want to know something.
SMH oh well guess its just my fate. might as well suck it up and deal with it. I guess the next step is to try to rebuild my wall brick by brick and eventually i will get back to the way i was, not letting things like this get to me.
most people have families back home that they can call on in their time of need...my family causes my time of need.
When things get rough most people can go home for a while to get back on their feet...i tried it and fell flat on my back at the hands of my family.
Most people have a friend or two that they can call on to help take their mind off life's challenges...i dont. the people that consider me friends i dont necessary see the same way because they only come around when it suits them and their needs.
Most people have things figured out, hell at least they have a plan and know where they are going...im a bumbling idiot walking backwards in the dark.
i have struggled a lot in my past with issues of emotional detachment, pride & stubbornness to name a few...i made the effort to change and work on those things because i realized in my efforts to protect myself i was hurting others. when i finally let my guard down my world starts to crumble around me and i have no idea how to put my wall back up. Now i am a wreck, flooded with emotions that i have never had to deal with before and its some scary shit. What's worse is that i'm alone.
Not alone like i dont want to be bothered with anyone, but alone as in there is no one. i can go a few days and my phone wont ring. 90% of the people i talk to on a regular basis are medical staff or automated people. when other people do call its either cuz the want something or they want to know something.
SMH oh well guess its just my fate. might as well suck it up and deal with it. I guess the next step is to try to rebuild my wall brick by brick and eventually i will get back to the way i was, not letting things like this get to me.
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