Nothing changes

I'm in a loop of depression and anxiety. I'm in a bunch of online classes for school and balancing that with my emotional well-being and how horrid my living conditions is taking it's toll. I feel so trapped, when I leave home I want to go back to spend time in my room. Inside scares me but outside does too. I just want to stop dealing with all this it's too difficult. It's harmful to smoosh all this anxiety and depression, all these expectations on one person then chastise them when they want help or when they breakdown from their lack of understanding. It's so hard to piece together what I say and when I finally say something it's too late. I wasn't built to have pressure and such forced upon me and then when I break get blamed for the whole situation. Is it so wrong that I just want some hep? That I just want some recognition for the things I've done? Why is what I do never good enough? Why is it that after all you've seen after all the effort put in I take a moment for myself and I'm written off as lazy? Is what I am and what I do so insignificant that regardless how hard I try you're still going to push me and leave me, but blame me for falling? I don't know how to deal with my anxiety and depression I don't know how to be strong because you made me this way. I was created to be quiet and to never want anything to do with others. Then I get asked "where are your friends?" and "why are you so upset?". They should've learned by now they made me this way and wont let me get help and wonder why the cycle never ends. 
 
I know this is a bit of a rant but I'm cut off from the world except for here and no one in this small living space will listen to me for anything I have to say.