NOTHIN LIKE HAVIN A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IN FRONT OF A HUNDRED EASTERN STARS
Okay, okay, so I'm the first to admit that I wanted to go to the Eastern Star school today. It is held once a year, and it teaches us the things we need to know for the Eastern Stars. Those of us that hold offices, like me, sometimes get to demonstrate things. Once I got there and Lynn called and told me that he wanted to go on a date, of course I didn't want to sit there for six hours, I even asked if I could get out of it. Well no, there was no real reason I could give to get out of it. So I resigned myself to six hours of listening to everything and maybe even doing.
And then... the toilets went down. Not just the women's but the men's too. The only bathroom was across a four lane road. Sheridan Road. One of the main roads in Lawton. And of course I had to go. Well, I thought maybe I could wait and have supper first. Well, of course I spilled my plate all over my chair and the floor. After I cleaned it up I decided to go ahead and brave the road to get to the bathroom.
Somehow a joke just popped into my mind. 'Do you know why the Eastern Star crossed the road? To get to the toilet!' I guess its just my histerical mind that makes me think that's funny.
Anyway, by the time I got over there I was a nervous wreck and was ready to call Lynn to come and get me. In fact, as I stood there waiting for the bathroom to open up I began to get frantic at the idea of crossing that road after dark. So much so, that I did call Lynn to come and get me. After I did my duty, I had to face THE ROAD again. I waited a long time once I got to the center island for absolutely no cars to be coming before I crossed. Aren't people in the island supposed to have right of way?
I was three quarters of the way across when a car full of teenagers moved into my lane from a stop sign. They sped up and stopped and revved the engine like they were going to run me over. I was so freaked out I couldn't even cuss at them. I made it back to the lodge and was holding it together until a woman asked me if I was okay. Then I just lost it. I went in the lodge and informed my worthy matron that I was leaving. But damnit once I started crying, I just couldn't seem to stop. It seemed to take forever for Lynn to get there.
Now that I've been home for awhile and calmed down some, I just feel plain stupid for getting so upset. But really, if they had been hit by cars twice in a lifetime; would they have felt any different?
And then... the toilets went down. Not just the women's but the men's too. The only bathroom was across a four lane road. Sheridan Road. One of the main roads in Lawton. And of course I had to go. Well, I thought maybe I could wait and have supper first. Well, of course I spilled my plate all over my chair and the floor. After I cleaned it up I decided to go ahead and brave the road to get to the bathroom.
Somehow a joke just popped into my mind. 'Do you know why the Eastern Star crossed the road? To get to the toilet!' I guess its just my histerical mind that makes me think that's funny.
Anyway, by the time I got over there I was a nervous wreck and was ready to call Lynn to come and get me. In fact, as I stood there waiting for the bathroom to open up I began to get frantic at the idea of crossing that road after dark. So much so, that I did call Lynn to come and get me. After I did my duty, I had to face THE ROAD again. I waited a long time once I got to the center island for absolutely no cars to be coming before I crossed. Aren't people in the island supposed to have right of way?
I was three quarters of the way across when a car full of teenagers moved into my lane from a stop sign. They sped up and stopped and revved the engine like they were going to run me over. I was so freaked out I couldn't even cuss at them. I made it back to the lodge and was holding it together until a woman asked me if I was okay. Then I just lost it. I went in the lodge and informed my worthy matron that I was leaving. But damnit once I started crying, I just couldn't seem to stop. It seemed to take forever for Lynn to get there.
Now that I've been home for awhile and calmed down some, I just feel plain stupid for getting so upset. But really, if they had been hit by cars twice in a lifetime; would they have felt any different?
Replies
Yes, you have a right to be upset. I too suffer anxiety, and there really is no contoling it, attacks happen whenever they want to. Personally, I cant be in large crowds so I do try to avoid them. If i go shopping I go really early in morning when the stores are empty. My worst one was at church.
I wrote this on the brain injury discussion group but wanted to put it here too so you\'d see it. I understand also how you could be so upset. My daughter was hit by a car and after two years she still has anxiety having to cross a road or even walk in a parking lot (even I do now). It\'s sucks for you to have that anxiety but it\'s ok to show your emotions. There are people who truly care.
Thank you both so much for your support. It means so much to me.