Notes from "The Emotionally Destructive Relationship"

 
Questions to ask ourselves:
 
- What do we tell ourselves?- How do we rationalize our actions?- What does this reveal about our hearts?- Ask ourselves why we make certain choices.- Define: what exactly is my problem?- Who does God say we are?
 
Key Definitions to ponder:
 
- pride=self-serving blindness- compassion & kindness are the opposite of anger- "Belief defines reality."- taking responsibility <> taking blame- responsibility = ownership
 
Processes/Actions:
 
- Determine what is the actual truth?     * prayer
     *appropriate disclosure to others     * supportive people/friends- Walk through fear vs. letting it control you.     * change involves risk     * start small/small-scale     * fear may not leave us, but it doesn't have to control us
 
- Can't take responsibility for others' feelings/problems.
 
- Own your own problem, make a decision on it, make an effort with it.
 
- When we initiate change, there will be awkwardness/discomfort.
 
- We can't change others, but we can influence them and invite them to change.
 
- To "speak up":     * take responsibility for self     * understand your own thoughts & feelings     * face own fears     * clarify what our problem is     * gather the courage to speak; stay strong & resolute     * don't speak up in the heat of the moment     * have the right attitude; be considerate
 
- Confrontation:     * plan your words     * seek a mutually good time     * use neutral body language & tone of voice     * listen, but don't be sidetracked (don't debate fellings or be talked out of concerns)
 
- "Stand Up":     * sometimes our speaking up is not respected; then it's time to stand up for what's right.     * what they're doing is not just bad for us, it's bad for them too.
 
- "Step Back":     * minimizes the damage     * "People who are destructive should lose the privilege of your fellowship."
 
- Looking for repentance:     * aware of pain they caused?     * concern for your suffering?     * acknowledgement of deeper heart issues?     * willing to do the work of change? (actions)     * consistent changes over time.
 
- God's presence helps our healing. We need to be more aware of it.
 
- We must let go of:     * resentments     * unrealistic expectations     * negative emotions         ~ choose         ~ reflect on why the emotion is occurring (its purpose)         ~ forgive         ~ take positive action     * inner & outer lies         ~ identify         ~ live in the truth
 
- Thriving Nourishment:     * good support system     * education     * learn how to handle conflict         ~ conflict is about an issue         ~ if someone is picking on or putting down, that is disrespect/abuse         ~ don't debate/defend         ~ "Stop. I don't like when you _____."     * See your goodness & find your strengths & nurture them.
 
- Interacting with Destructive People:     * Prepare (plan) mentally, emotionally, spiritually.     * Practice (role-playing scenarios); be proactive.     * Step back physically & emotionally; have no expectations of a positive encounter.      * Be cordial, but not close.     * Prayer.
 
- Do Good. "...doing good will always help to conquer evil's effects in you."