Note To Self
REMEMBER.....this man is an addict and lier. Do not trust him. This is about to become my mantra.
Several weeks ago I finally told hubby that that I was through, just too tired of the whole situation. three minded him that I had already consulted with an attorney ( he did not remember the original conversation- too drunk). His initial reaction was as expected... No reaction. Then he got angry telling me that if I was smart enough to crunch the numbers I would realize how financially devastating this move would be. Really? Did he think I haven't been crunching the numbers for the last ten years? Anyway......after this lovely interaction I left and saw a friend who happens to be a long time al anon person whose story parallels mine so closely it is surely Divine Intervention that we be came friends.
Without rehashing history and going into details, I left her home feeling at peace for the first time in a loNg time. She understood my resentment at the prospect of giving up my home and my financial security because of someone else's idiocy. Since my hubby is on disability and receives a pension, his income is not In jeopardy due to his drinking. She encouraged me to continue to follow my own path and to make separate living space in my house for now. ( this was also suggested to me by my therapist).
i decided to make our unused living room into my space, I rearranged furniture, made a reading corner, and generally Love the room now. As soon as possible I am having French doors installed. As far as sleeping space.... At that time he never made it to the bedroom, falling asleep on the couch each night. My son will be moving out within the next six months. This will free up a bedroom, tv room and full bath, I will take that space.
here is the complication, and reason fort my entry: AH had a back surgery last Thursday, returning home on Sunday and is now recuperating. It is important to know that this is his fifth back surgery on the same area. The recurrent failures due in great part to non- compliance with recovery instructions, drinking and nicotine use. Nicotine use increases risk of spinal surgery failure by 500%. My husband chews nicotine gum constantly and believes that since he isn't "smoking" it does not count!!!!! Of course he does not tell the truth (lies) to his doctors, so they are at wits end referring him to all kinds of specialists to try to diagnose his "problem. So...... Back to the complication: since my husband has NO ONE, I have been his support during this surgical experience. I do not have a problem helping him in this way. BUT day one at home..... Non compliance and drug misuse. UGH.....the same old song and dance. I realized I have let my guard down and slipped into that caregiver role. And he is manipulating big time. Glad I caught myself his soon.
Retreating without guilt into my own sacred space. Amen.
Several weeks ago I finally told hubby that that I was through, just too tired of the whole situation. three minded him that I had already consulted with an attorney ( he did not remember the original conversation- too drunk). His initial reaction was as expected... No reaction. Then he got angry telling me that if I was smart enough to crunch the numbers I would realize how financially devastating this move would be. Really? Did he think I haven't been crunching the numbers for the last ten years? Anyway......after this lovely interaction I left and saw a friend who happens to be a long time al anon person whose story parallels mine so closely it is surely Divine Intervention that we be came friends.
Without rehashing history and going into details, I left her home feeling at peace for the first time in a loNg time. She understood my resentment at the prospect of giving up my home and my financial security because of someone else's idiocy. Since my hubby is on disability and receives a pension, his income is not In jeopardy due to his drinking. She encouraged me to continue to follow my own path and to make separate living space in my house for now. ( this was also suggested to me by my therapist).
i decided to make our unused living room into my space, I rearranged furniture, made a reading corner, and generally Love the room now. As soon as possible I am having French doors installed. As far as sleeping space.... At that time he never made it to the bedroom, falling asleep on the couch each night. My son will be moving out within the next six months. This will free up a bedroom, tv room and full bath, I will take that space.
here is the complication, and reason fort my entry: AH had a back surgery last Thursday, returning home on Sunday and is now recuperating. It is important to know that this is his fifth back surgery on the same area. The recurrent failures due in great part to non- compliance with recovery instructions, drinking and nicotine use. Nicotine use increases risk of spinal surgery failure by 500%. My husband chews nicotine gum constantly and believes that since he isn't "smoking" it does not count!!!!! Of course he does not tell the truth (lies) to his doctors, so they are at wits end referring him to all kinds of specialists to try to diagnose his "problem. So...... Back to the complication: since my husband has NO ONE, I have been his support during this surgical experience. I do not have a problem helping him in this way. BUT day one at home..... Non compliance and drug misuse. UGH.....the same old song and dance. I realized I have let my guard down and slipped into that caregiver role. And he is manipulating big time. Glad I caught myself his soon.
Retreating without guilt into my own sacred space. Amen.
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