Not Yet
Hubs is still looking pretty shakey. The Brass Ovaries training which helped me develop my engineering and construction career is burning bras and chanting for me to . . . yadda blah. . . Going back to work on the project four hours north of here just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel horribly wrong, either, but my mantra of our current grieving phase is still playing. "Slower is faster. Less is more."
Sigh. . .
Packing, etc., doesn't take me long. Quick mobilization always has been my strong suit. Strong enough that when I mobilize at an inappropriate moment, I sure do upset allot of proverbial apple carts.
Small steps, big faith and lots of prayers. Healing first.
Replies
Much support, Arfie. Lighting a candle for you in the dim yuck of the day here, hoping it helps your spirit find the best way.
Thank you, Leo. When I let myself go mystic, I believe that winter solstice candles carry further for the longer, darker nights. My electric light phobia is still boisterously loud in mystic mode, but. . . Support both needed and appreciated.
Continuation:
Felt pretty right to be here for hubs this morning. It felt downright healing when this morning's eggshell waltz morphed quickly into grief over the absence of birthday card from his parents this past weekend and several other changes attached to the death of his parents. Grief is a process, not an event. For this morning's sending, he almost looked like Business as Usual. Have a nice day, Dear.
My brass ovaries are still impatient to Get Back to Work. There is plenty of work to do here, but. . . Most of it feels like the neurotic housewoof job I am convinced is only feeding the family dysfunctions. With 4 resident adults and two non-resident adults conducting their own business here, I don't feel like too much of what needs to be done here is any of my business. For sure, I don't want the job, even when I understand the job description. Picking up after grown-ups is not my favorite part of not working. I like tripping over grown-up toys while trying to work my own projects even less.