Not too bad 12/30/2013

So last night and this morning the chronic pain has been at a minimum without and meds. I would like to jump up and down for joy but this nasty demon plays tricks on me. I've had this before only to have the damn thing flair up again which can crush your mental state and crush your hope. I do have to say it feels "different" this time. It's a minute to minute, hour to hour type thing. If I could get a couple good days under my belt then maybe I could allow some sliver of hope but not yet. I won't put myself through this again.
Mentally I've had more clarity in the past few days then I've had in a very long time! Right now tha is my positive silver lining. My concern is that my Klonopin is only a 30 day supply because the doc said it will lose it's effectivness if you take it longer then 30-60 days. She feels the Prozac will be kicked in by the time the Klonopin runs out. I also have a followup on Jan 22 so we can discuss.
I truly believe if I could get the chronic pain in check I could actually feel almost "normal". No matter what I'm not just stopping at "almost normal"! I did that the last time in 2008 and I never truly recovered I was just less bad then my worst.
I'm not going to settle this time. I'm going to followup with my regular doc and continue with my therapist. I'm going to journal on this site so I can go back to events from the past that may help me with future issues that arise.
I have finally accepted the fact that depression/anxiety is a life long illness just like other life long illnesses like diabetes or asthma (which I have, lucky me). BUT just like asthma it may be life long but it is also manageable! I manage my asthma everyday and it's barely an issue. I need to manage my anxiety/depression everyday so that it also becomes barely an issue.
Will I have bad days...of course. But the universe is always in balance which means I can have good days as well. One second at at time...