Not sure what to do.

I've heard various opinions on this, but something straight-up and candid would be much appreciated. I've been bulimic (usually combined with restricting) for 11 and a half years. I have also been on a whole concoction of meds for at least eight years. Currently (for the last four years) I've been on 54mg Concerta, 200mg Epitek, 60mg Nuzak, 150mg Toplet, 200mg Seroquel, 2mg Rivotril, I double my dose of Concerta and double/triple my dose of Rivotril and also see another doctor on the side where I get Bromazepam and Ritalin (as I run out of the Concerta way before the end of the month). Have crazy panic attacks, sleep is a huge problem . I can sleep for days on end. And then go through days without any sleep and heightened anxiety. I have been diagnosed Bipolar, and now maybe Borderline. Also OCD, ADD and suffer extreme paranoia at times. I have very graphic and highly disturbing images that come to mind randomly throughout the day and with no trigger leading to them. I've had problems breathing at night without the Rivotril / any type of benzo and see flashing lights (like little starts) throughout the day. Feel an urgency to do something meaningful in my life, so I live very spontaneously and don't think of consequences. Just in a really bad place mentally and I think physically too. Not sure what to do anymore, do not feel much of a purpose. Work has been my life for the last decade and by realising my 'dream' I lost all my friends as I had no time for anyone. I feel drained. My drive is turning into smile of indifference and a mechanic routine of distraction to keep bay the thoughts I have. I actually just want to feel a sense of peace. It's been an ongoing struggle for so long and I really am just so tired now. When do you finally face up to reality and make a decision to at least bring an end to the chaos that never ends.