not sure what to do now ..............................

im kinda not in a good place for the past week or so i have really wanted to harm myself and having crazy thoughts about it as well. last nite i could hardly sleep cuz i would close my eyes and see something sharp and blood and it scares me so much . my therpist says for to just ride the wave and tell myself it will be over in  just a bit . well today i couldnt take it i had enough thinking it would slince the thoughts for a bit i was wrong , they are  still there. my theapist also said medication might be a good idea for me now but at this time i need something not sure what else to do . no one knows how much of a daily sturggle it is or me . i just dont know what to do. i want to cry my eyes out but im supposed to be the tough one i just feel very much alone right now no one to talk none of my close friends realize how bad its gettign for me when i say im fine im kinda wishing they would say are u sure  no honesly im not let me tell u but they always drop . its been also hard cuz i hold everything in so i cant talk anyways  i wish i had someone other then my theripast say excatly how i feel with zero filter  
 
 
sorry for spelling i was crying so ....