not sure what im feeling so many emotions
I know it has been along time since I wrote to or been on ds. Been depressed and people on here stopped talking to me. I left Thursday and moved out of my situation I know it has been coming for along time but does not make it any easier. I am thinking of going to therapy to help me deal with the separation. My son is happier and wants to live here no drama. I really thought my husband did not care about me so I packed up mine and my sons stuff and I was gone by the time he came home. I have never seen my husband so depressed in a bad way. He says he has lost everything and has nothing to live for but what can I do it is hard for me to. I thought I had closed off that part of my heart and shut it down since I found out about the other part of his life and when he put his hands on me I was scared. All I have done is cry and worry about him because I know he is depressed and he took 6 days off work because he could not deal with it. He says my parents think he is afreak all because of a so called friend saw him and told my parents. I have tried to avoid them knowing for years. I swept it under the rug for so long my parents think I have become sick like my husband. I have read online that there are many of people who cd and more than I know I wonder why men do that and for what reason. He says he loves me and he is not gay. I am so hurt that im the laughing stock of my small town. I wish I knew why I was so upset and depressed also. I hate seeing him like this afraid of what he will do. I feel like it is my fault that he might do something stupid. Do you think someone can change that does that. My mom said I need to stay away and I know its true but I guess it is my caretaker in me that needs to save him. please help me and give me advice about what to do am I crazy for realizing I still love him even though he is messed up. He says that he has not hit me often but I feel safer here in a one bedroom camper next to my parents. I have stayed to myself. My sister has told me if I put Dillon back in that mess and situation she would fight me for custody of Dillon. Dillon needs to be my number 1 priot. I really love him just feel like with everyone knowing I can not get therapy with him family counciling. I feel lost and helpless. Here my cry because I care for that mixed up man. Tammy
Replies