Not sliding down hill this morning

Yesterday went down hill fast after posting in Healthy Sex group. I guess I should just stay away from there. So wish I was able to have the fun they all seem to have. I am just not good at all with social situations. Not even on a message board. I posted in one that was going like a party. Then as soon as I posted it died. Just after I appologized for joining and left it picked back up. I am sure it was just the way the members had there schedules. But it just happens so much to me. Hard to not notice it. I have always been a social Nerd, Dork my sisters used to call me. Every time I try to fit in somewhere I just come out feeling like a complete idiot. So I guess I have just learned to stay away from social things. Not a good way to live though. My wife and I have NO friends. We never go out and do anything. Mostly because we do not have the "disposable cash" that most here where we live seem to have. That is my fault though. I do not work. I lost one job because they thought I was going to go "Postal". My dad had just died then our "K-9 kid" Hans died just after that. That is about the time I was finally diagnosed with depression. I was having to go outside a few times and regain my composure. One of the guys saw me in me car in the parking lot crying. Instead of him asking if I was alright I think he just reported it to my boss. It wasn't to long after that they offered me the option of resigning or they would let me go as they say.  At my next job I had a similar situation arise. It was that I was going to have to deal with my last jobs owner. I just lost it. I just could not deal with having to deal with him after the way I had to leave.  My wife and now you all are the only ones that know about my inablility to cope with these types of situations. It just makes me feel so inferior. Why can't I deal with these things. I used to be a Deputy Sheriff for cryin out loud. I am so sorry my wife has to deal with this. She deserves so much more. Yesterday we had to pay a garage door company $130 to fix something I used to do for a living. I am just so useless anymore. Barely able to get out and mow the yard. If we did not have a rider I couldn't do that either.  Stopping now before I really get into a self pitty party again.