Not rich enough
I have been raised by my rich family, yep rich in money, education but I am also rich in everyday depression, sadness, grief, grudge, lonlyness; I am chained in the dark for years and not yet released; the story of my life is built of lies, anger and control but not by me.
Let me tell you something, I was raped by the age of 13 by group of boys but my parents took it the wrong way, they thought i was gay and prostitute and not even willing to "take money". But thats not true. Years passed, they prevented me leaving the house without them following or spying on me, they have to check my history on my computer, they must check my phone records and who have i been talking to. Every guy I speak with my parents turns it into an interrogation...they lost my trust tottally; Hell my little brother was once ordered by them to spy on me in the HOUSE. Things have gone worse and worse when I offered a place in a uni oversea (In Ireland). My father thought he should come with me, which he did, I am 19 yet treated like 8 years old. Not allowed to leave with my friends in the weekend, if I did my dad phone calls me every 10 minutes to check on me, not afraid for me but afraid from me. My "friends" somehow knew my father was looking after me, made fun of me cuz I was still a child, teased me and my father didn't bother a bit. Right now my father forced me to go study something that I dont want. Suicide was my next mission, I hate my life, I hate my mum mostly she is the one turned me into a puppet and mind controls me. I am her victim and infront of her friends she makes me look like the "unique child" of hers when I am not..Everyone thinks I am spoilt which is not true..
enough for now
Let me tell you something, I was raped by the age of 13 by group of boys but my parents took it the wrong way, they thought i was gay and prostitute and not even willing to "take money". But thats not true. Years passed, they prevented me leaving the house without them following or spying on me, they have to check my history on my computer, they must check my phone records and who have i been talking to. Every guy I speak with my parents turns it into an interrogation...they lost my trust tottally; Hell my little brother was once ordered by them to spy on me in the HOUSE. Things have gone worse and worse when I offered a place in a uni oversea (In Ireland). My father thought he should come with me, which he did, I am 19 yet treated like 8 years old. Not allowed to leave with my friends in the weekend, if I did my dad phone calls me every 10 minutes to check on me, not afraid for me but afraid from me. My "friends" somehow knew my father was looking after me, made fun of me cuz I was still a child, teased me and my father didn't bother a bit. Right now my father forced me to go study something that I dont want. Suicide was my next mission, I hate my life, I hate my mum mostly she is the one turned me into a puppet and mind controls me. I am her victim and infront of her friends she makes me look like the "unique child" of hers when I am not..Everyone thinks I am spoilt which is not true..
enough for now
Replies
I am a mother of a 13 yr old boy. Your journal entries show me that you are a very bright and caring person- dispite what you have been through and continue to go through. As a mom it breaks my heart. If you need to feel free to write. I am glad you found this website. Stay on it as much as you can you will find alot of support here. Lean on us, we can and will give you some support.
How do you keep your mum out of this account? Are you Middle Eastern. I know that different cultures are very different and that they expect so much from their first born son. I know other cultures that the parents do hand feed there \"kids\". What your parents are doing is so detremental to you. You can\'t thrive without love or friendship. I grew up in a very bad environment but not this bad. You are very intelligent. Are you expected to study what your parents choice or do what you father does. or just stay withing certain fields of study that are considered good. I don\'t think writing or artistic pursuits are valued by your parents our your status in your culture am I right? It breaks my heart that you were gang raped at 13 and your parents did nothing to help you with the fact that it really happened and that they should have been protecting you instead of blaming you and making you feel shame by calling you a homosexual. You do not become a homosexual because men rape you. You may have had release, I don\'t if you did but that has to do with something that is physical in your body you can\'t control so if this happened DO NOT ever tell yourself you were enjoying it because is so untrue. I am a woman and I was raped when I was 20yrs old. I know how terrible it felt and I can\'t imagine it being more than one man. No one should ever have this done to them. I had to go to the doctor alone to get tested for all kinds of STD\'s and it was so traumatizing to go alone. What your parents are doing is very wrong. It is evil. They put the blame on you instead of believing you. I am sure that being 19 is quiet different then it would be if you were an a American. Here you would be allowed to leave home and get a job. To leave your parents. You are still suffering abuse at her hands. It is illegal in the US to lock you children in the closet, and hit them and strike them. I know it must very difficult for you. If you left I am sure you would have no means of support. However have you ever thought of visiting a lawyer while outside the Middle East such in Ireland to find out what your rights are. You have to be considered an adult and the abuse has to be worthy of something if you can somehow record it. I am sure that no one in your home would be a witness because of the fear. I can also know that your parents have installed quiet a lot of fear in you. Please know if anything you are a worthy person, and if anyone went through what you did and are now would be going through so many emotional issues especially at the age when you are trying to build your idenity and have self worth. They abuse your parents do to you is criminal.