Not my best
it was a fairly nice day. I worked in my garden and generally enjoyed myself. My husband is not all that thrilled that our sons gf is moving in for a shoRt while until they find an apartment together. In fact, she is going to split time between here and her mother's place. He says he is okay with it but he is very good at simmering resentment. Stupidly, he cannot understand why no one talks to him.
First of all the chances of him remembering are slim. Secondly, his sons are distant because they think he is a shithead.
any way today I asked him to keep the grouchy attitude under wraps. Too much. Sticking his nose into other people's business and then so annoyed when they don't appreciate his interference. One of the things I don't understand is how someone who lies, manipulates and has not made any attempts in changing up his attitudes can be so freaking self important and perfect. When he starts to talk about his "expectations" and how others do not meet his very high standards..... I think who does he think he is.
Now I know I am very sensitive after trying to be perfect and getting myself twisted by this whole spouse of an addict. Today I couldn't take it when he wanted to move a box of food off the dining room table. I was afraid of offending my sons girlfriend, by him making a big deal over it. I was probably wrong, but whe AH asked my opinion and I said leave it for now..... I assumed he was angry. Probably not at me, or only superficially, but more so because I have come to believe that he is a man who is rigid and unkind.
I started a tense conversation , I knew I was doing it but couldn't stop myself. Why do I do that. He isn't going to change, he does not care. He just has soooo much anger and entitlement. Even when sober from alcohol. But due to back pain he is NEVER drug free. So that crazy brain thing is always turned on.
So back on the detachment work. I lasted today until ten pm. Tomorrow maybe a whole day. Especially since I will be "punished " .
Okay why I do it and why it does not work: i inappropriately think it is my duty to point out his weird nasty and emotionally retarded shit. It is not. I want him to hear me. He does not. I want him to care for me in the way I want to be cared for. He cannot. Also I hate being criticized, so must he. So I get it why he hates me. I call him out on his behavior all the time. Not that he does not do it to me ( he denies it) , but I should offer him the respect I would like .
Now how do I mix that up in the detachment blender?
First of all the chances of him remembering are slim. Secondly, his sons are distant because they think he is a shithead.
any way today I asked him to keep the grouchy attitude under wraps. Too much. Sticking his nose into other people's business and then so annoyed when they don't appreciate his interference. One of the things I don't understand is how someone who lies, manipulates and has not made any attempts in changing up his attitudes can be so freaking self important and perfect. When he starts to talk about his "expectations" and how others do not meet his very high standards..... I think who does he think he is.
Now I know I am very sensitive after trying to be perfect and getting myself twisted by this whole spouse of an addict. Today I couldn't take it when he wanted to move a box of food off the dining room table. I was afraid of offending my sons girlfriend, by him making a big deal over it. I was probably wrong, but whe AH asked my opinion and I said leave it for now..... I assumed he was angry. Probably not at me, or only superficially, but more so because I have come to believe that he is a man who is rigid and unkind.
I started a tense conversation , I knew I was doing it but couldn't stop myself. Why do I do that. He isn't going to change, he does not care. He just has soooo much anger and entitlement. Even when sober from alcohol. But due to back pain he is NEVER drug free. So that crazy brain thing is always turned on.
So back on the detachment work. I lasted today until ten pm. Tomorrow maybe a whole day. Especially since I will be "punished " .
Okay why I do it and why it does not work: i inappropriately think it is my duty to point out his weird nasty and emotionally retarded shit. It is not. I want him to hear me. He does not. I want him to care for me in the way I want to be cared for. He cannot. Also I hate being criticized, so must he. So I get it why he hates me. I call him out on his behavior all the time. Not that he does not do it to me ( he denies it) , but I should offer him the respect I would like .
Now how do I mix that up in the detachment blender?
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