Not making it

I have completely run out of idea's. I wake up every morning now wondering what am I going to do today. Because there is nothing to do but house work. And with these men that is nearly a waste of time. I am so sick of cleaning up after people.
I am so-o bored and even more lonely. Noone comes around anymore. Noone calls me anymore. I feel so alone. Bored and lonely, stuck in a house that I hate and am very uncomfortable living in. Living with a filthy, disgusting old man who pee's on everything. I cry every day. It's the first thing that happens when I wake up, I just cry.
Now the dr. has taken away my cigs., I can't have any alcohol and no weed. Now she wants to take away my xanax. Are you kidding me. I am so completely miserable and I can't get any relief. I don't think I've ever felt this awful. I've always supported myself and had my own home. Now I am at the mercy of my legallly declared incompetant father. I need out. I need someone. I have to get out of here. But, I can't until my medical issue's are taken care of and now the insurance is making me wait for months.
I actually had a suicidal thought the other day. It really scared me.
I used to be a happy go lucky kind of gal. Living under my fathers thumb is killing me.