Not Knowing is OK with me
As I work with embracing my feelings with innocence and bring the Light to the dark places in me, I am reminded of these words "it is ok; it is all ok." The shame, the vindictiveness, the anger that I have done to others, all that have deeply suppressed are coming to surface...and I am, so far, able to hold the thought "I am ok." I believe there is part of me that has never been touched by this, therefore, I am able to let all this unfold, let the veils be lifted and allow all of this. I am beginning to be aware of this place bits at a time. I hold my hand over my heart, my other hand over my belly and just breath as I hold myself through this. As all things come to surface, I remember the innocence that I Am and allow myself to feel all the grief, sadness, pain that comes with this..
Something out of the blue came to me in meditation this morning and I have no idea why...and that is ok too.
I thought of my parents. My Dad came home from the Military, met my Mom and BAM, that was it. Both my parent were abandoned; my Mom by her Mom and my Dad by his Dad. Interestingly, they were both around three. My Dad was a Master Gardner, a Master Hunter and Fisherman; this is how the family survived. My Mom was a Master at wallpapering (did it for money), Master gardner and canner of all foods. Master seamstress (made wedding dresses for money and sewed all our clothes; she actually cut patterns out of newspapers). She was a Master when it came to stretching a $, etc. Neither one of my parents EVER complained at working so hard...AND THEY DID. They worked from sun-up to sun-down. No washer and dryer, no laundry-mat in my hometown; just an old wringer washing machine. No heat except for two coal stoves; which kept my Mom and Dad busy day and night keeping them stoked.
Why did this come to me? I have no idea. But the biggest thing I was so impressed with was the fact that neither one of them was taught to do the things they did. They must have been so motivated, so smart, so intelligent, to have done the things they did and did them so very well.
It doesn't take away from their parenting skills; but as the first paragraph says, mine weren't too great either.
Maybe that's the point...forgiveness. Wow! Just a little deeper forgiveness! DON'T KNOW AND DON'T CARE...I KNOW IT FEELS GOOD.
Happy Friday!
Hugszzzz
Something out of the blue came to me in meditation this morning and I have no idea why...and that is ok too.
I thought of my parents. My Dad came home from the Military, met my Mom and BAM, that was it. Both my parent were abandoned; my Mom by her Mom and my Dad by his Dad. Interestingly, they were both around three. My Dad was a Master Gardner, a Master Hunter and Fisherman; this is how the family survived. My Mom was a Master at wallpapering (did it for money), Master gardner and canner of all foods. Master seamstress (made wedding dresses for money and sewed all our clothes; she actually cut patterns out of newspapers). She was a Master when it came to stretching a $, etc. Neither one of my parents EVER complained at working so hard...AND THEY DID. They worked from sun-up to sun-down. No washer and dryer, no laundry-mat in my hometown; just an old wringer washing machine. No heat except for two coal stoves; which kept my Mom and Dad busy day and night keeping them stoked.
Why did this come to me? I have no idea. But the biggest thing I was so impressed with was the fact that neither one of them was taught to do the things they did. They must have been so motivated, so smart, so intelligent, to have done the things they did and did them so very well.
It doesn't take away from their parenting skills; but as the first paragraph says, mine weren't too great either.
Maybe that's the point...forgiveness. Wow! Just a little deeper forgiveness! DON'T KNOW AND DON'T CARE...I KNOW IT FEELS GOOD.
Happy Friday!
Hugszzzz
Replies
Excellent breakthroughs! How relieving that must feel. It seems to me, that this demonstrates an ability to be \"non-judging\" that is allowing you, and I, and US, develop our facility to allow alternate viewpoints to appear more easily and more often. To be a little more \"objective\" in our viewpoints, feelings, and memories. This is good! (Oops, is that a judgment! Phooey!).
\"these words \"it is ok; it is all ok.\", feels similar to my \"accepting it is what it is\". It detaches any emotional attachments to memories about events and imagination.
The \"shame\" that we all feel, I\'m learning, is all about the Ego\'s IDEAL-Self WE formed about who we are and imagined we were and are \"supposed to be\". It\'s an imaginary \"perfect ideal standard\" based on the illusion of \"IF...\".
The Grief can be the anger and sadness over losing something we strongly value, which would be the loss of our Ego-ideal that we use to define ourselves over the years, for survival.
The guilt is you finally humbly accepting the things you actually DID, and the shame that resulted from not living up to your ideals for social and personal acceptance. It\'s all making sense to you now.
Hugszzz xoxoxo
What a wonderful experience. It amazes me how meditation seems to unlock parts of the brain previously closed off. And it touches feelings down to a soul level I think. I have had glimpses of thoughts and emotions I never had before during meditation - I even feel new emotions about old hurts and I find myself getting new ideas a lot lately. Wow! I feel inspired to keep up with it.
I agree...unlocking deep feelings of respect, shame, love etc...is quite releasing. I\'ve been experiencing something similar lately xxx