Not all rainbows n sunshine
okay so I have been participating by reading what everybody is going through and responding... and its helped soooo much and reinforced all the positive feelings and motivation I feel inside. But I'm just having a bad emotional day... I don't do angry real well... and well I'm angry and it bothers me.
My father makes me feel like I'm his favorite but at the same time every conversation turns around to my sister and her husband - how he's not a grandfather because they won't let him be and how he doesn't care or want to be part of their lives... however, for the last few days he's trying to figure out a birthday present for her and today announced he's giving her a $150 gift certificate - and he gave the 3 girls $ for their birthdays and grade cards, etc. After hearing him complaining I've told him over and over again that he is a grandfather and can be a grandfather to my son... he thanks me and says he understands then forgets and reforgets and reforgets my sons birthday and happenings and even my birthday.
And my hubby well he's been moody and crabby the last few days - his life events are going the way he wants but he isn't doing anything to make the days or events any better... but the part that gets me is he blames us for the routine... I usually hate routine and really have to work at putting routines into place - they make sure that everything gets done and remains stable for our son and our family & quite honestly there is calm amongst the routine... He just wants every weekend to be novel and fun but won't plan or do anything to make them fun, different or interesting.
Normally don't say anything and just go well - passive, but... well.. here DS is and here I am. Just venting... going for a long drive and walk...
My father makes me feel like I'm his favorite but at the same time every conversation turns around to my sister and her husband - how he's not a grandfather because they won't let him be and how he doesn't care or want to be part of their lives... however, for the last few days he's trying to figure out a birthday present for her and today announced he's giving her a $150 gift certificate - and he gave the 3 girls $ for their birthdays and grade cards, etc. After hearing him complaining I've told him over and over again that he is a grandfather and can be a grandfather to my son... he thanks me and says he understands then forgets and reforgets and reforgets my sons birthday and happenings and even my birthday.
And my hubby well he's been moody and crabby the last few days - his life events are going the way he wants but he isn't doing anything to make the days or events any better... but the part that gets me is he blames us for the routine... I usually hate routine and really have to work at putting routines into place - they make sure that everything gets done and remains stable for our son and our family & quite honestly there is calm amongst the routine... He just wants every weekend to be novel and fun but won't plan or do anything to make them fun, different or interesting.
Normally don't say anything and just go well - passive, but... well.. here DS is and here I am. Just venting... going for a long drive and walk...
Replies
A long drive and a walk, are you going to fold the seats down and circle the inside of your car? I joke :)
Its never fun to think your sibling is favoured over you, but you need to put things into focus I\'d say. Appreciate what\'s there instead of what isn\'t. I mean, you have a husband, and a son, both you love and I\'m sure love you back. You have a family and you still have your dad which is something a lot of people don\'t. You can\'t force someone into paying attention to something or somebody and who knows why they\'re not, but you can show you\'re son that YOU remember his birthday and he and your husband can you show that they remember yours. You\'re blessed with lots of things people would die for, and if there was no crosses to bear in your life, how could you appreciate all the good there is?
If you want less routine and more random, then make it happen, don\'t wait for someone else to do it, its just not a lot of peoples nature, even if you want it to be.
Stay in there cassie x
Jon... been thinking about your post to me a lot... I know I am so very blessed and have a lot in my life... I\'ve worked really hard to be as stable as I could be. Its funny your advise could so come right out of my mouth and I know the good and bad has to come together... I\'ve gotten on here and read and reread this over and over again... Trying to make some changes... Your last journal seems to be coinciding with me - I was talking to someone on here who basically said they don\'t want to get better and in conversing back and forth a trigger came up regarding bulimia and anorexia both - then pow back in there again the last couple weeks... so really pissed off at myself for trying to be there for someone else who says she doesn\'t want help and then getting sucked back in... Feel like a life guard who needs a life guard - ughhh drowning... BUT your post - makes me want to fight again and you are right I HAVE TO DO IT - MAKE THE f....ing decision and act. Thanks so much... Cassie