Not a very good day.

Well another day without Ken.  Sometimes I feel so very alone.  Got a certified letter yesteray telling me that I'm off the Tampico farm as of 1 Mar 10, o'well, didn't think I could do it all anyway, , but still hurts.  Went to Mary and Troy's last nite for hamburgers, had a nice visit, they seem to be behind me anyway that I choose to go.  I have a BD party for Alyssa at 2 today.  They are camping down at Cambridge, so I better leave a 1.  Really not up to visiting with my husbands ex-wife, but its the grandkids that count, not me.  I know I will get 101 questions about were I'm going to live, when I'm going to sell machinery, livestock.  If I'm going to build a house on the farm we own.  Things I really don't want to think of right now, but have to.  Time seems to be just flying by, funny, I can remember when I wished time away.  I just wish I could talk to him one more time, tell him how much I love him, ask him some questions, questions he never would give me answers to.  God I miss him, Just want to be with him again.  Nothing seems to matter anymore, I don't know what I want or what will ever make me happy again.  He made me happy, guess I should of told him more.  I pray to God that he knew how much I loved him.  I think I am rambling on, just seems like my heart really hurts today.  I just can't bring myself to sell his things and I  can't keep everything.  I's better go get ready - need to put gas in car.