Not A Good Day

Today it is sinking in that my husband is gone.  I am very down and I know that things will only get better day to day.  The loneliness I feel is because my partner of 38 years was taken by cancer.  I don't ask where my life is headed, because I don't know.  I only know that I need to get through each day, for the most important thing right now is my family, my job and my home.  It would kill me if I were to give up my home. However, even though I am on an anti-depressant (Lexapro, 10 mg), I hope the depression doesn't get worse.  I fight to keep my head above water, for I cannot succumb to the pit of darkness.  Been there in the 70's, and don't want to be there again. The conclusion is that we can't keep burying the feelings we need to be experiencing.  I need to forge on for me, for my family, and for my friends.  They all care about me and would be heartbroken if something should happen.  They all know what a strong person I am, even though I don't feel it.  Hopefully God will watch over me and help me through this pain.