Not a good day

Not really in a good mood today.  Spanky was on my mind the entire night.  Kept waking up to check my phone.  He never called or texted.  I tried to text him and ask if he was going to tell me what he had to say.  No response.  He either had nothing to say or by my request, if it was bad, he wasn't going to tell me.  Autumn heard that Rayna was pregnant.  I really don't think that she is because she shouldn't be partying all the time if she is.  And to top it off, from what Aunt Vicky says, after Justice was born, Spanky supposedly got fixed so he can't have any more kids.  If he didn't, he had to be with Rayna before we got together and she was only 18 then.  Was she the girl that he was stuck on but couldn't have?  Oh God, don't let it be true.  Drove by the house this morning, his jeep was not there.  I'm hoping that he is home and maybe his jeep is at the bar or he didn't have enough gas to make it home so he rode back with someone.  I hate to think that he is sleeping with someone right now.  I'm just sad that it's not me.  I love him like never before.  It's going to eat away at me all day.  I miss him so very badly.  I don't know how i'll get over this one.  Guess it's time to leave him alone again, re-delete his number and act like he never tried to contact me. I hate living this way!