Nostalgia and A flashback
I have been doing better the last few weeks over the STBX. I drove to his house last week and put some blank/generic divorce forms on the windshield of his car, for him to consider. He said he would read them today. (I doubt he will).
All we have to do is have them signed and notarized and we can file and wait. He is too busy with his music and bands and fans to bother I guess. I have been pestering him for months to just get it done and he was amenable to that, but now I guess he has more important things to do. If he does not act, I am going to lawyer up and take him to court and make him prove the money he is making on the side, cash in his pocket. I don't want to go for the throat but I will if I have to. I am tired of it all.
I did have a bad flashback of a sort last night over him. I have known him since I was 12 (I am 54, so it is a long time). We were just acquaintances over all those years but we went to school together and had a ton of close mutual friends. We still do, which is hard. I was not attracted to him at all when we were growing up. Physically he did as an adult so turning that off is hard.
This is sort of pathetic, but I need to get it out of me. My first husband, the father of my two children, and I split for good in 2002. Twas ugly and painful. He and I were together for 20 years.
I also knew him since I was a kid. (Amy, you need to look outside the box a bit when it comes to men.)
So after that divorce I make a poor decision, out of loneliness and low self-esteem and start dating too soon. It was a long distance, stupid online thing to start with and then I moved in with him. Bad Idea. He was controlling and possessive and the night he knocked me down I moved out. That was one helluva night.
So a few months later I am sitting in my favorite pizza place, discussing the end of the boyfriend relationship, with the boyfriend, and the man who WAS to become my husband walked through there...not unusual, he loves that place too. It was all I could do to not reach out to him then. Damn I wish I had.
Things might have gone differently. We would have both seen the fools that we were.
Then. And then we got more foolish.
I have lost my engagement ring, and I will hock that ruby if I can find it. I tossed it off my finger one night in a fit of pain here in the house and now it is gone. Lovely ring, but I cannot bear to wear it ever again.
I have given up on all of my adornment, it feels like a time of mourning I suppose. I have a ton of amazing jewelry and I enjoy wearing it, though at work it is dangerous, kids yank at things.
I am turning a big corner, and trying to let it all go and Move The Hell On.
There is a New Me and I like me a lot.
All we have to do is have them signed and notarized and we can file and wait. He is too busy with his music and bands and fans to bother I guess. I have been pestering him for months to just get it done and he was amenable to that, but now I guess he has more important things to do. If he does not act, I am going to lawyer up and take him to court and make him prove the money he is making on the side, cash in his pocket. I don't want to go for the throat but I will if I have to. I am tired of it all.
I did have a bad flashback of a sort last night over him. I have known him since I was 12 (I am 54, so it is a long time). We were just acquaintances over all those years but we went to school together and had a ton of close mutual friends. We still do, which is hard. I was not attracted to him at all when we were growing up. Physically he did as an adult so turning that off is hard.
This is sort of pathetic, but I need to get it out of me. My first husband, the father of my two children, and I split for good in 2002. Twas ugly and painful. He and I were together for 20 years.
I also knew him since I was a kid. (Amy, you need to look outside the box a bit when it comes to men.)
So after that divorce I make a poor decision, out of loneliness and low self-esteem and start dating too soon. It was a long distance, stupid online thing to start with and then I moved in with him. Bad Idea. He was controlling and possessive and the night he knocked me down I moved out. That was one helluva night.
So a few months later I am sitting in my favorite pizza place, discussing the end of the boyfriend relationship, with the boyfriend, and the man who WAS to become my husband walked through there...not unusual, he loves that place too. It was all I could do to not reach out to him then. Damn I wish I had.
Things might have gone differently. We would have both seen the fools that we were.
Then. And then we got more foolish.
I have lost my engagement ring, and I will hock that ruby if I can find it. I tossed it off my finger one night in a fit of pain here in the house and now it is gone. Lovely ring, but I cannot bear to wear it ever again.
I have given up on all of my adornment, it feels like a time of mourning I suppose. I have a ton of amazing jewelry and I enjoy wearing it, though at work it is dangerous, kids yank at things.
I am turning a big corner, and trying to let it all go and Move The Hell On.
There is a New Me and I like me a lot.
Replies
I hope he signs the papers soon, so you can move on. That must be hard, having known him most of your life and having so many mutual friends. I know I am having an easier time than most on here, probably because we didn\'t have a lot of friends in common, or for that matter, much in common at all. Try not to think about \"what if...\". I hope soon you find that you are meant to be where you are right now, and good things come your way.
I took my ring to a pawn shop. I had never been in one before. This one was actually pretty nice.
Good things are gonna happen. We can move on. Baby Steps right:-)
Thanks for your kind words and support. Mostly it is easier every day....I just have the occasional meltdown and freak out sessions but they are less frequent. And I am slowly getting past it all....baby steps indeed.
Good luck, Dear
We like YOU too Amy. If he doesn\'t sign, his problem. Carry on w/out him. It\'s time for you to move on and get rid of him. Do whatever it takes to get that divorce started and finished. I\'m so glad you are doing better, I\'m actually glad for all of us.....we are going to make it. I still have my wedding ring, can\'t seem to part with it, although I don\'t look at it too often it really meant a lot to me, I\'m a kind of sentimental gal. I still have the ring from my first marriage too (had 4 kids with that one) but I will give that one to my daughter when the time is right. Hang in there sister....we got your back!!!!!
Oh I am very sentimental over the wedding rings...and I have them but of course no longer wear one. I probably won\'t hock the ring...if I ever find the thing...I get cranky and hurt feeling sometimes and well, I could use the money. That ring is sort of the thing that causes me the most pain. Maybe there is a reason I cannot find it...who knows.
Thanks! I got your backs too!