Nostalgia
Finding my old profile brought back a lot of unwelcome memories. The way I used to type and talk was laughable but the connections I made on here were good. This site helped me and it still continues to help others. Finding my old friends was a mixed affair, I don't think any of them still use this site which is quite sad because we all one day walked out into the real world and left each other behind but on the other hand we all recovered in one way or another and that gives me a lot of hope. One day they might join again, as I have done, and look back and realise things have changed, they've progressed and the people we were are left behind and hopefully replaced with happier more settled individuals.
Finding the profiles my friends in the real world had made though was distressing, I found K & L but I also found Tash. She died in a car crash in 2011 and rereading all of her messages and seeing her as still 'alive' on here is incredibly difficult. I left a message to remind me that she isn't just alive somewhere else, she is gone even though her profile remains. I can see myself posting to her often on here, free from the judgement of other profiles like facebook. A little thing we had together which is now uniquely ours.
Much of my old profile was about Tash, its funny how things change. I changed for the better hopefully before she died and I hope she saw the girl I used to be returning not the one that used to frequent this site. Loosing her changed me beyond all comprehension and I miss her every single day, things don't get easier but finding new ways to cope with it may help.
It feels strange to be able to look at yourself from 2008 almost as if I had died, suddenly there was nothing, no posts, no interaction, nothing. I wonder what made me stop using this site, things didn't get better overnight so when the sudden stop, I have a feeling I know why. I stopped a couple of months after starting sixth form, another form of support entered my life and she has healed me no end. Part of me wishes she could see this and see the person i've become. We joked about this the other day when I said that it was her that fixed me, she didn't believe me. Seeing it here in black and white somewhat proves it, she saved my life and everyday I will be thankful for that x
Finding the profiles my friends in the real world had made though was distressing, I found K & L but I also found Tash. She died in a car crash in 2011 and rereading all of her messages and seeing her as still 'alive' on here is incredibly difficult. I left a message to remind me that she isn't just alive somewhere else, she is gone even though her profile remains. I can see myself posting to her often on here, free from the judgement of other profiles like facebook. A little thing we had together which is now uniquely ours.
Much of my old profile was about Tash, its funny how things change. I changed for the better hopefully before she died and I hope she saw the girl I used to be returning not the one that used to frequent this site. Loosing her changed me beyond all comprehension and I miss her every single day, things don't get easier but finding new ways to cope with it may help.
It feels strange to be able to look at yourself from 2008 almost as if I had died, suddenly there was nothing, no posts, no interaction, nothing. I wonder what made me stop using this site, things didn't get better overnight so when the sudden stop, I have a feeling I know why. I stopped a couple of months after starting sixth form, another form of support entered my life and she has healed me no end. Part of me wishes she could see this and see the person i've become. We joked about this the other day when I said that it was her that fixed me, she didn't believe me. Seeing it here in black and white somewhat proves it, she saved my life and everyday I will be thankful for that x
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