Normal or Insane
I don't know if others feel this way or am I going insane. I sit on the sofa and close my eyes and the image of Carlos comes and I remember all the wonderful talks that we had while sitting there. I open my eyes thinking this is just a dream and that he really is alive and beside me. I am driving and I am think about Carlos and then I start wondering if I am dreaming and I am the one dead and this is what I am feeling and see while being dead. There are times I wonder if I am in a coma and witnessing all of my family. I don't know if this is normal or is the pain too much and I need to get on some medication. I think that sometimes I am heading for a nervous breakdown. I need to be strong for myself and for my children. I feel so lonely and miss Carlos so much. I smile because that is what is expected from me. I eat because I have to keep going. I work because I need to pay my bills. I don't have the joy of life like I once had when Carlos was here. I am trying my best to be normal but I am having a hard time considering what is normal again.
Replies
I give Dan a kiss on his picture I have and sometimes I can almost feel him kissing me back and holding me I sometimes think I feel his arms around me when I am really crying Is it really his spirit or my mind don\'t know don\'t care it helps We do and think what ever it takes to get us through A big part of our lives died and so we did die a little too. Years of love, friendship and companionship to nothing is going to take a long time. I know somedays I just wonder around not knowing what to do no purpose but slowly doing things that need to be done breathing in fresh air and just allowing myself to feel and maybe even smile when its not even expected Our lives will never be the same but I know in my heart Dan and I\'m sure your dear Carlos would want us to be here enjoying life loving our families and doing all the things they can\'t I feel it is my responsibilty to do all this for Dan he gave me the life I have now and I don\'t want all that hard work and love to go unforgotten and unenjoyed I owe him that much. Just try to take one day at a time and baby steps and we will get through this
Hugs Debbie
When you have these feelings that he is around and the memories, and images do they make you smile? If they do that is a good thing as far as rating whether it is problematic. The perfunctory doing of what needs to be done, is normal, the detatchment from others is normal, you are not insane, you are grieving, trying to find a way.If you feel you need to see a counsellor though then it is a good thing to do, to clarify things for you. I read a great article on it the other day and will send it to you. if you read it and would like to discuss it let me know. Confirmed the conclusions I have reached to be normal which made me feel a level of relief as I know the \'world\' won\'t understand, and just tend to say things like \'well if that works for you, or whatever gets you through\' truth is they just don\'t have a clue and can\'t understand.
Hopefully it reaches you
Nope, sounds about right to me! It\'s all part of the package we must unwrap as we trudge along this path. I find myself thinking about Jeanne. It\'s normal; we were together for almost 40 years and when I let my mind wander, that\'s where it goes - back to what was my life. It\'s changed now and is way different; it\'s my future and it\'s up to me to determine where my feet fall. HUGS. Joe
Normal - or what normal means to us now. Fantasizing is our unconcious mind allowing us to deal with all the trauma and change that we now have little by little so it is not overwhelming.
But you need to give yourself the time and place to grieve. Give yourself permission to \"just be\" as someone here advised. Keeping it all in, covering it up for the sake of others is taking a toll on you. It\'s exhausting - putting put a front and trying to do all the things that we did before. If going to a counselor gives you the time you need, do that too. But I think we all - or at least I have - wanted my life back so bad that I have dreamed that this is not real, it can\'t be. But it is and it\'s is such a sad thing to deal with.
Hugs,
Kathy
Linda, I remember having that exact same thought about myself being the one who was dead. At the time, it might have been wishful thinking. Everything you describe is normal. After three very long and painful years I can tell you that it does get easier. Just do the right foot left foot thing for now.
I am so very sorry for your pain and heartache. Hugs...
NORMAL Linda. i talk to david, kiss his picture, pile the pillows up on his side of the bed and snuggle into them.
I know their are a lot of people who disagree with medication. i am a social worker and know how much it can help. at least go to a dr and ask:)
hang in. love ya
Lisa
Linda, I don\'t think of what I feel or think as normal or not because how can this be \"normal\" to be in such a strange new world? It takes getting used to I guess, but I sure don\'t like it and I am betting that won\'t change. I wonder about a lot of things too, like could this just be some dream? I find myself going through the motions, more because people expect it. I surely don\'t feel anything the way I used to. I talked to my counselor about it and she reminded me where loss of spouse is on the life stress scale - pretty much the top. The numbess is about the only thing I am getting used to.
hugs to you, Susan
I gave up on normal when I got married thirty years ago, nothing normal about our relationship it was insanely special. It sounds like your relationship with Carlos was anything but normal, so how you going to act normal now? I think you should keep talking to him, I talk to Cindy all the time I think it helps. I know the nervous breakdown feeling all too well, not sure if I\'ve crossed the line to needing professional help or not. Never tried any medication just can\'t see how a pill could ease my suffering.
Every day is a challenge and very different from what we had, all we can do is try to get through each day the best we can. You have helped me a lot, you\'re a special friend, I pray you have a better day tomorrow.
Hugs,
Ron
Linda...
Your feelings are normal and are exactly how I feel. As more time goes by I start to miss my wife more - not less. As time moves on the fog starts to lift and I start to have a little more clarity of where I am on this journey, and I don\'t like it. I don\'t think we will find normal, but normal will find us. At least that\'s my hope right now. If you think you\'re headed for a nervous breakdown it may be depression you\'re slipping into, and there\'s some great anti-depressants your doctor can prescribe that will help. I was prescribed Zoloft about two weeks ago and it really has helped. Don\'t wait if your slipping into an emotional hole - see your doctor. My prayers are with you.
Glenn
Linda, it\'s a hard road we are on! Sometimes, we need help to ease on down that road and if you feel you need medication to help you, by all means, talk to your Doctor.
Linda - you\'re not going insane, I assure you. I\'m at almost 21 months - I still talk to Joe, say good morning my baby, every morning, to his picture. I like what Ron said - because every one of our relationships was so special, so unique to us. I spent a lot of time getting into Joe\'s head - how to explain this? Like I took his life into my mind, to try to see what he felt. What came out of that was a further appreciation for HIS life. And came one for mine, for what our marriage was about. Linda, sweetie - you need to be strong for yourself only. Your kids know that you\'re there for them, you always will be. But you have to take care of yourself, first - because it\'s your life. How? Take an hour to read a book - take a long bath. Just sit outside for 15 minutes, and listen to the birds. Doesn\'t have to be anything spectacular, just being, just thinking - just remembering the good. I wish I could hug you! I wish we could have a cup of tea together and talk - Hugs, Marsha
Linda, you are not going insane. I have felt that way so many times. I have considered medication several different times, but everytime I get to that point I start feeling a little better so I decide against it. So I still ride that rollercoaster of emotions not as badly but I still miss my husband so much. You should talk to someone if you feel the need. You have to take care of yourself!!!! I hope that you start to feeling better. Take care. Hugs Denise