nope not better

i thought maybe if i drugged myself to sleep for a while i'd get out of my head and all this could stop for a bit. no such luck. i had a fleeting thought that the flu threw my body chemistry off but i doubt it i think meds just aren't working and i'm falling deeper into despair. i just want it all to go away. i kinda wish my t-doc had an email address but so such luck. i think i'm probably going to isolate and again ruin any chance of reclaiming any osrt of productive life. i had such hopes weeks ago, but i know that's a lie now.