No time to say it all...

One word to describe the last week....?  "Hell" comes to mind. 
Please keep praying for Sophia.  She has been subjected to terrible painful tests that, so far, have yielded nothing but an excruciating, life threatening condition in her intestines that is NOT the source of HER pain...she didn't even flinch and the doctors said even a huge football player would have been on the floor screaming...so they don't know WHAT is hurting her. More tests...more frustration...more money that we don't have...
Our house is only 5 yrs old and our furnace died (can't afford to fix it right now & it's dropping to 30's at night)...and on and on with disasters too numerous to name.
Some aspects of this week are things I NEED to pour out in a journal, when I have time.  I am buried in UN-checked emails, unchecked voicemail messages, unopened mail and since all the bill collectors carpool to our house, it was hard to even get into our house today...lol 
Now for quick positives...  1) My husband is not treating me like a pariah (sexually) anymore...WHEW!  He EVEN says he is at peace with NOT ACTIVELY AVOIDING pregnancy.  Of course, he reached this conclusion when it was probably too late in my cycle to risk anything, but I'm going to enjoy this new state of his heart.    2) When we got home from Children's hospital on Friday night, a friend of mine came by.  She told me that she had conspired with my husband for me to go away with her to a women's retreat with her church.  I had 10 minutes to pack and we were GONE.  I have never done anything like that before (last minute trip with no advance planning).  The retreat was 5 minutes from my house in an adorable camp with beautiful new cottages.  It was a weekend full of tears, laughter and prayers.  It was hard to go, because Sophia's test on Friday was painful and left her with horrible cramps all weekend and I HAVE NEVER BEEN AWAY FROM HER, but I do believe I was meant to go.  I needed it for what we were in store for today.... A tale I will share another day. 
BTW, in case I don't make it back to a computer, Matthew's funeral is FINALLY here...this Thursday.  We are so blessed to be able to do this.  I think I shared that we are making it a Memorial for other babies lost in pregnancy...we will have little card stock hearts for people to write their babies' names on-or maybe a little message/prayer for them..OR they could choose polished stones & a glass pen to write their babies' names on...Those items will then be buried with Matthew's tiny coffin and when we can afford a headstone, we'll make it say something special, so other families can grieve THEIR babies at Matthew's grave. 
Heading off for a hope of rest... Blessings to you all!! You are my precious and dear friends!! I have missed you so much and need to have time to catch up on what has been going on with everyone! 
 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

wow your week has been hell. my best wishes are with you and your family. i will pray that everything will work out for the best. my boyfriend said the same thing.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope and pray that the doctors find something after all the testing Sophia has gone through. As Thursday apprpoaches I hope you find the peace and comfort you need with the service and memorial. I am so sorry for your loss. XO :)
deleted_user
deleted_user

Even though your week and weekend was hard, I am SO excited you get to have Little Man\'s funeral. I wish I could physically be there and hold your hand! What a gift, what a wonderful gift to be able to bury him. I am envious :) Not in a horrible way, just happy for you that at least you get to do this.

You are so loved, cannot wait to hear updates.
Tryingtomakesense
Tryingtomakesense

I can\'t seem to do any of the funeral prep RIGHT. I wanted to have beautiful \"Certificates of Life\" for the other families to take home and keep for their babies who were lost in pregnancy...we have a lady who does Calligraphy and she was going to fill them in, but I can\'t make an ATTRACTIVE certificate when I am so tired!!! I am about to SCREAM. They all look COLD and STUPID. ARGH. Nothing is working out.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Katrina, I am so very sure that anything you do will be beautiful....you are about to bury your son and you are still thinking of others at the same time....your thoughtfulness is a more beautiful gift than anything at this point, take care....
litzie
litzie

Thinking of you and your family as you celebrate Matthew\'s life. It\'s beautiful that you are also memorializing other babies lost in pregnancy.