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There's a lot of issues going on in this old world this moanin....Seems like that indian summer is gone...  wonder why they call it indain summer any way..I've got a nice headache, actually it the back of my skull, just above where the skull sits on the spine...it's C-5 an C-6, their, compacted from years of hangin sheetrock with my head...yepp hold up a 4 by 8 or 4 by 12 piece of sheet rock standin on a saw horse,(called a walkup) two guy. each end of the sheetrock..press it up against the ceiling joist and nail that sucker...go faster ya only gettin .04 cents a foot... gotta move.... it's only .02cents if ya got a partner,  it's insane if ya got foour men payin em 4 dollars an hour trying to teach em to hussle....teach a man how to earn a livin, andhe take  ya job away from ya...What jobs....  hear more layoffs... they be talkin  6.5 percent of the american populations drawin unemployment, and hey that will dropp when they no longer elible for unemployment... don't mean they went to work just maylbe flippin burgers somewhere if they lucky...my sun he doing two or three part time jobs to provide for his family... that be Russ Jr...  sure sounds like his dad.... says he shovel poop if it keeps his wife and kid warm and fed...I don't understand how companies can ship jobs outta the country...how they figure folks gonna afford to buy their chit if they aint go no jobs...This just plain an simple hillbilly horse sense...  no money no funny.,...I mean really are they gonna repair our oil refinery so we can produce our own oil,  and diesel.. Is there peace after death...Oh well I'll find out soon enuff... I never considered living forever.. cause all I've ever known is pain....cant imagine living forever in pain.... oh hell... well i don't believe a loving creator gonna be punishing us for being human... not for ever.... even my grandma got tire of beatin on my sorry little asre  after a while an took a rest...I never believed in hell, not as a everlastin torment... don't make any sense... heck I've lived thru enuff pain If there is a hell I'm takin over.... bet I'm gonna have to get in line for that one lol...I don't know what part of diein scares me most... the thought that if I don't measure up I wont exist any more, or the thought of leaving my kids and not knowing what gonna happen... Guess I need to  just have faith in this area...Oh I don't dwell on this subject everyday... but I am aware that I'm on the down hill side of life... I'm onlly 55, but lots of my family aint never seen 60...not the males lol...the women they do like 80 and on.... couple males made 75 and 80...I don't really know how I feel about death...  it's a mistry... like a ghost story you kinda afraid to read... we say we aint afraid no ghost while our knees knock together...I know there is something else, i can feel it... Oh I don't go an tell my therapist that I can sense restless spirits...but never the less there are unseen unexplainable forces that can and often  are involved in our lives... be it spooks or what ever...they do exist... nope I've never seen no ghost...cept in my dreams..but I"ve seen things  with these eyes that defy all logic...  I've follow an instinct that says  don't... Then again my grandmother did pratice...oh yeah... well I never seen her ride a broom,  but she used it on me a few times lol...mean old tang....beat an eight year old with a broom handle screamin look what ya made me do...Yeah I feel kinda crusted today... actually I'm prayin death will bring me peace...rest, and no more pain.... Oh I"m in no hurry, I'd like to live to be at least 75 so I can draw my social security they took outta my paycheck...Yeah I'ts my money.... I slaved big time too....I made like 1800 dollars in over time one week,  ya know I got less that 300 dollar of that check... for real....I wasn't always disable and unemployable... I worked, often 14 n 16 hours aday... before the sun came up and way late into the nite...What thanks do I get for that ....cheated outta my ssdi, divorce, treated like a second class whatever....have to prove I'm an american citizen just to recieve medicaid and 10  dollar a month in food stamp for me and DJ....kinda makes ya wonder why even try right....Well I try cause that's just who I am.... I hang in there for the joy I find in my children,  and in the world.... I pray every day the God finds something bout the human race that makes him proud he created us....Mostly I pray I just make one day at a time and that  I don't let this pain fill my heart with anger and darkness... despair...  It's sleetin out today... 43 degrees, had to turn on my peanut oil heater... keep my big old hinny warm...  just gotta find a way deal with this pressure...pain, and hang in there  one more day....alone    russ