No sleep
I was up again at 2am this morning.
I had been listening to sleep subliminals in hopes this might help. But the overthinking takes over and I am up all night contemplating things that have happened and decisions i need to make. I think I might ask for a day off this week. I can stay home and binge watch tv or do absolutely nothing, maybe garden a bit.
I was running the numbers in my head last night thinking about bills and the apartment i want. Going to start out with a studio and see where that puts me financially and then maybe in 6 months move to a 1 bedroom. A studio is enough for me and my cat and it makes a statement-there cant be any room for anyone else till I get my life/emotions in order. I also need to learn to trust again. Ive never met a man that would step up. But first, I need to prove to myself that I dont need one.
I also decided the Hot/Cold friend that goes in and out of my life needs to go away for good. Ive made an effort to block all calls and messages and the app I downloaded will not allow messages to come through.
I deserve more than that. He knows Im going thru a rough time and decides to leave...better now than later. I need to do some evaulating on why I allow these types in my life. My parents were half as*sed, and so was my ex and every other man Ive ever met. No, Im not a man hater, I love men...its just Im looking for a real one. Its becoming like the search for Sasquach.
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I've often wondered what a Sasquach hunter would do with a Sasquach if they actually caught one. Prolly the same thing I'd do if I actually managed to catch one of the tornadoes I'm always chasing. Doncha think it would look lovely next to my National Geographic collection?
That over-thinking thing is a devil that still catches me on a distressingly routine basis. I am growing ever more convinced that over-thinking is its own psychosis and has nothing to do with whatever subject I am over-thinking in any given go-round. Sasquatch and wart-free princes will due as well as any subject.
Gentle support while you look for the management tools that work for you. The subliminal tools never worked for me, either. My over-thinking habit can drown out Saint Peter's own choir.