No sense

Falling down again.  Yesterday I had a melt down.  I knew I was too manicky and headed for potential trouble.  Now I am trying not to backslide and hang on to my faith.  I just can't stop feeling as if God has forgotten about me.  I want to sleep until this passes.  Or sleep and not wake up. Am tired, lonely, scared, confused.  I want to run away from all of this but have no idea where to go. This is too much for me and not fair to my kids.  I feel so detached from myself right now....from everything.  I try to accept that there are going to be swings...but I have too many too fast and it makes it almost impossible for me to make sense of things.  I used to have a job, somewhat of a life, a smile all the time......and now I have swings and sadness and too many struggles.  I don't know how long I can keep this up.  My kids keep me here, that's it.  Nothing but them.