No Rest For The Wicked 1/18/2014
So last night and early thing morning it felt like the pain was actually going away. I almost felt normal. But today it flaired up again. I used the new medicine and took some pain pills but for whatever reason nothing seemed to help today. Maybe my brain has finally broken and the pain is just a figment of my imagination. Maybe I have internalized the mental pain and changed it into physical pain.
Mentally I actually feel okay but it's like I can never feel okay both mentally and physically. It's like if one is working the other is broken. For some very strange reason I'll never be allowed to just be content. I just wish I knew why it starts to feel better only to flair up again with no pattern. It's so hard for me to believe I ended up like this.
In less whining news I hung out at my buddies house so Best Buy could deliver his new TV. He had an all day class so he picked me up early and we have pancakes. Not as good as my old man's use to be but he tried :) They came at 10:30am and it too about 2 hours. It looked good on the wall and I hope he enjoys it.
Tomorrow my aunt and I are going to look at that house for my mom. They are calling for snow and she doesn't want to drive 2 hours here and back in bad weather as she has to work on Monday and can't stay over. My aunt wants me to stay for dinner. She is a very good cook. I just get uncomfortable being away from home when this f-ing pain flairs up. At least at home I can wear loose clothes and relax more. Sad that my life is dictated by this stupid chronic pain.
I always new I was f-ed up mentally but at least I use to have good physical health ourside of asthma which I was able to keep under control. Now I'm f-ed up mentally AND physically! The mental is a bit better but it doesn't really balance out. Whatever.
10pm. I hope I can sleep. I have to be at my aunts at 1pm. I don't really want to go in this cold and snow but it's for my mom and it would be nice to have her closer to home. I guess we will see what happens.
I'll pray that we all can find some peace in our lives...if only for a moment.
Mentally I actually feel okay but it's like I can never feel okay both mentally and physically. It's like if one is working the other is broken. For some very strange reason I'll never be allowed to just be content. I just wish I knew why it starts to feel better only to flair up again with no pattern. It's so hard for me to believe I ended up like this.
In less whining news I hung out at my buddies house so Best Buy could deliver his new TV. He had an all day class so he picked me up early and we have pancakes. Not as good as my old man's use to be but he tried :) They came at 10:30am and it too about 2 hours. It looked good on the wall and I hope he enjoys it.
Tomorrow my aunt and I are going to look at that house for my mom. They are calling for snow and she doesn't want to drive 2 hours here and back in bad weather as she has to work on Monday and can't stay over. My aunt wants me to stay for dinner. She is a very good cook. I just get uncomfortable being away from home when this f-ing pain flairs up. At least at home I can wear loose clothes and relax more. Sad that my life is dictated by this stupid chronic pain.
I always new I was f-ed up mentally but at least I use to have good physical health ourside of asthma which I was able to keep under control. Now I'm f-ed up mentally AND physically! The mental is a bit better but it doesn't really balance out. Whatever.
10pm. I hope I can sleep. I have to be at my aunts at 1pm. I don't really want to go in this cold and snow but it's for my mom and it would be nice to have her closer to home. I guess we will see what happens.
I'll pray that we all can find some peace in our lives...if only for a moment.
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