No response
Entering the time of life when I'm getting no response. Wanted to try and see my son, texted to try and set up a day and time... No response.
Text freinds and family... No response.
Even try and write to my pastor... No response.
No wonder I'm turning into a hermit.
The 'world' just has no time for me anymore. No time to talk, no time to give a father a day or a dinner, no time to just say hi to a family member... The older brother and I never connected, his abuse at an early age just turned to apithy as we got older. The younger brother who I pretty much raised as mom worked has turned into a narcissist and is paranoid every one wants his money. Both have wives, families... Mine was being pushed into taking care of a mother for ten years as they both just pushed her aside. Gave up the prime of my dating life so they wouldn't have to be inconvenienced with her.
My son's grandmother is a good person, but gets caught in her own defenceive world to protect my autistic son. I got to play by her rules or there's fighting.
No, no fighting.
I won't hurt my son like that, see way to much damage to children as the families fight for custody. I'll take my hits to keep him safe... But it can really hurt as you see another man raise your son. He also a very kind and good man to my son, again I'll take the pain to keep him safe. There's nothing anyone can say about this, someone had to sacrifice for him to stay happy. So I'll text and get no responses much of the time.
At church I'm a ghost. Amazing that a place that preaches not to judge others... Well.... JUDGES OTHERS. Preaches compassion and lives avoidance. It's just the people who have ' no time' to actually talk about God. Just act like they do. They'll smile and give a 'i don't want a response' hello and already be looking away before you can even say hello back. Still go, don't go for the people... Go for God, about the only one that does respond.
Replies
Gentle empathy, Sol. I once had an especially intense and weird dream which ended with a Cecile de Mille style sky intoning, "Parting the Red Sea was child's play next to parting the bloody fields between estranged family members." The dream didn't soothe my infected wounds much, but it did help me learn patience with the process. The hurts run too deep for easy fixes.
Just a random brain fart here:
Have you tried talking to your son's grandmother? Even if she is the most wicked monster-in-law to ever draw a toxic breath, she still might have insights which will help part those bloody fields. Maybe. Respect helps. Even wicked witches bleed when you cut them.
For what it's worth:
There have been many horrific nights in my recovery where no one was answering calls, etc. On the counsel of my Alanon sponsor, I take those missed connections as a sign that I needed to go places no one could go for or with me. I amnae the first perfect person to emerge from dysfunctional family life. I have missed connections of my own to sort.
The 'mother-in-law' (we never made it to the alter) really is a very good person. We are friends and close. But the reality is she has donned the'Mama bear' role over my son. She'd tear a tiger in two to protect him... Even if she sees the tiger is me. She even usurps her own daughter much of the time, but he's safe and very happy. In this I hold my joy. I'll sacrifice anything for my son... Even if it's myself