no one to talk to

I'm just sitting up awake, it's 10PM here on the West coast. I'm just thinking of Sophia, today I found out for sure that I don't have ANY clotting disorders, and my hematologist gave me the clear for getting pregnant again... And I'm just confused and sad. And angry and jealous and regretful of not paying more attention. It's so hard to make this decision to try again, at first I was so ready, but now a year later... I just can't make a choice.
Yes, I want a baby. But I want MY BABY GIRL!!!! MY DAUGHTER! But she's gone away and I have no answers. I can have another but there's no guarantees. IDK, I'm just lost. Goodnight.