No one to talk to

I miss talking to my husband every day about the little things.  It's hardest at night when the kids are out and I'm home alone.  I miss discussing how the day went, or some little event that happened to us during the day.  The little things.  I feel very alone and lonely.  The funny thing he was always gone hunting or fishing so I don't really miss him not being here for most of the time, but before I always knew he was at least coming home.  Now there's nothing.  I like it when the kids are at least in the house with me.  Even if they are just in their rooms doing their own thing.   One of the things I found to be the hardest is cooking and eating by myself.  I don't even want to bother.  Sitting at the table alone where a family used to have dinner together every night - thats depressing in itself.  But I don't have the extra money to eat out and since the kids are working or out with friends, most of the time I'm eating alone.  No one to make dinner for except myself so I find that I'm not eating anything.  I've lost 25 pounds in the last 8 months and I really didn't need to.  I weigh less than I did 15 years ago.  I guess thats the only good thing to come out of this breakup.  Sad thing is I look better than ever and my husband isn't even here to appreciate it.   I talk to my sister everyday.  She's been awesome but after 9pm there's no one.  I miss my companion, my friend, my lover.  But I don't think he's missing me.  Afterall he has his parents at home with him every night.   Next week while were in FL he will be staying at our house alone.  I hope he feels what I'm feeling.  I hope he sees what his life will be like once he gets a place of his own - if that's what happens.  I hope he sees how it feels to cook and eat alone at the same table that our family shared.  I hope he sees how very lonely it really is.  He thinks he'll be happier alone and yet he hasn't yet experienced the full aloneness of it all yet.  I want him to sit on our couch and watch TV alone for 7 full nights.  Eat dinner alone for 7 full nights.  It gets damn boring.  Maybe this will be the wake up call he needs.  When he feels and sees that there is no one to talk to when you live alone.  When for once in his life he feels lonely - really lonely.  I can only hope it makes a difference.