No need to journal, this describes it all...

I hate him. I hate him with a passion. Do you know what he said to me after my PET scan? He told me I wouldn't make it to my sons 18th birthday and he was glad. Didn't he know I wasn't handling going to the doctor well anyway. Who says that to someone? What am I supposed to do.
 
Call you up in the middle of the nightLike a firefly without a lightYou were there like a slow torch burningI was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn't even sleepSo many secrets I couldn't keepPromised myself I wouldn't weepOne more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me nowI'm in too deepThere's no way outThis time I have really led myself astray
Runaway train never going backWrong way on a one way trackSeems like I should be getting somewhereSomehow I'm neither here nor there
Can you help me remember how to smileMake it somehow all seem worthwhileHow on earth did I get so jadedLife's mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can goI know what no one else knowsHere I am just drownin' in the rainWith a ticket for a runaway train
Everything is cut and dryDay and night, earth and skySomehow I just don't believe it
Runaway train never going backWrong way on a one way trackSeems like I should be getting somewhereSomehow I'm neither here nor there
Bought a ticket for a runaway trainLike a madman laughin' at the rainLittle out of touch, little insaneJust easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway train never comin' backWrong way on a one way trackSeems like I should be getting somewhereSomehow I'm neither here nor there
Runaway train never comin' backRunaway train tearin' up the trackRunaway train burnin' in my veinsRunaway but it always seems the same