no more TTC

my boyfriend is refusing to even talk about having another baby. All he says is that he is not ready for a child, which I don't understand because  a week ago he was ready to have our rainbow. I asked for at least an explanation to why he was ready then and he is not now, I asked if it is just because he's too scared to lose another and he got mad and just said he wasn't ready. 
I asked him for a deal, I asked him to come with me to my ob gyn appointment and ask all the questions he wanted about our chances of conceiving and having a healthy child, and then we can discuss trying again. He refused.  I feel messed up because he's making me feel like it is something wrong with me... I already feel like that, I don't need him to do it to me too!
I know I should give him time but I already did that, I gave him a year to grieve Sophia while my whole mind and body were aching for a baby, I know that the more time I give him to pretend this isn't happening he will close up more and more emotionally. I just want to hold a living baby in my arms after struggling so much, and he doesn't understand. I'm not trying to say his grief is not as intense as mine, but he has no idea of the bond me and Sophia had, of the emotions and love I already had for her, I feel like I want to share this love with a baby, I can't just turn this momma feeling off like he can.
It's so unfair for him to completely refuse to even discuss this with me like an adult. I told him it's not just his life and he was the one who started begging for a baby, not me!! He has no right to shut down this decision without even talking it out with me, I know he's hurting and he's scared but so am I and I think we need to have a discussion about this and air out our issues in order to at least see each others sides, but he is blocking every move I make to keep this as a joint decision.
I have considered tricking him into a pregnancy, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bear it if I lost another one and hurt him even more without his permission. It's not just my choice, it's his too. I just want to know if I can even have children and I am so, so, so afraid that I will never have babies. I feel like this is tearing us apart, and we have been through at least a dozen deaths in our families in the last year, we have broken up got back together and struggled so hard to get to where we are, but now when I look at him all I can see is the children I want and what he refuses to give to me. This is horrible, and no one seems to understand where I am coming from.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so so sorry that you are going through this on top of grief. I wish I had answers for you. You are right in that having children is a joint decision. You want them and he doesn\'t...or at least doesn\'t want them right now. I would suggest finding out when or even if he foresees children in the future. If you don\'t agree or like his decision, as difficult as this is to think about, you may need to consider if you want to stay with him. You will need to weigh your love for him and you want and longing for children. I know that just. Has to be an insanely difficult decision to make, but you can\'t force your boyfriend to want children. He does have a right to say no, and you have the right to leave.

I Wish I had better advise for you. I know this situation just has to break your heart. You are in my thoughts!

Hugs,
Jennifer
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru, i honestly don\'t think that i can give you the best advice because i haven\'t been thru what your going thru and it honestly makes me sad, i know how hard it is to want a child but it seems like u cant get one, but dont tricc your boyfriend into having another baby that won\'t do much but make him kind of lose trust for you, try to give him at least a week or two to relieve his mind and his fears and then try to talk to him about it, as for yourself i dont want to be mean or make things seem bad but maybe you should try to relieve your stress yourself and not try to force your body into things that its recovering from, sometimes that can lead to alot of complications. Maybe you and your boyfriend should take some time away and go on vacation together, relieve your stress and have some fun, try to forget about all of the bad things, who knows maybe a vacation is all you guys need to succeed in everything, its weird but sometimes god wants you to relax and enjoy your life even if its only for a week or so, and for some reason i feel as tho you and your boyfriend should go out of town for the weekend, go out to dinner see a movie, and go bacc to a room or something and show each other how much you love each other, and who knows very soon you might just have everything that you want and ask for! Just please try to get out with each other and enjoy yourself i promise you by the end of the vacation you will be happy and proud of yourself and your boyfriend might actually tell you why he don\'t want to talk about it, my opinion is maybe he just wants his girlfriend bacc and he needs your support and love thru these hard times instead of the pressure.
nasnye
nasnye

I am sorry to read this. You are blessed to have someone. I\'m alone... divorcing.

Maybe in time he will change his mind.