No more Rhett Butler

I have realized that the one who is causing the problems in this relationship to fatler is me.I wanted a man just like Rhett Butler and today I realized that I am chasing a fantasy.Men like Rhett do not exist and if they did noone knows if they are nice or if you will be happy.In two weeks,it will be d4 years that I lost Frank and I am doing things to prevent a meltdown on that day.I had a meltdown the other year and it wasnt pretty.I cannot have a meltdown this year because I know that if Frank lived he would have been a vegetable and would have been on life support,and this is something that he never wanted.He never wanted to be a burden to me and anyone else.And I will never forget him at all.I just cant.In fact,today it is 4 years that I heard from Frank that last time.July 18th is the last time that I spoke to him and his last words to me where this."If anything happens to me..you must do this.You must learn to live without me and remember that life goes on.I have had a good life and I have had good parents.But I am sick now sissy and I want to go.I want to go to be with dad" And those were his last words and I am crying now.SO I will end it here,Okay! Vader!